Per request of Susie

Well...if you insist...I'll share more pictures of my little tiny hiney. (No not MINE - it's more jello-y and jiggly if you ask me) but the cute little one at Scottish Rite.

He's doing so well and should be coming home within the next two weeks!! We can't wait for our whole family to truly be together! Here's my little guys website if you are interested in hearing more about his fight: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/fightingmatthew There's a few pics there too.

Here are pictures from this past weekend when the brother's were able to finally meet face to face. :)

Guests

Well, we've had some welcomed guests and quite a few UNwelcomed guests this week. Little Matthew got sick with a strep infection on Tuesday. Ian and I rushed up to the hospital just in time to see them physically stimulating him to get his heart beating again. That was the scariest thing I've ever seen and do NOT want to see it again. But the antibiotics are working like a charm and he is back to his usual perky self (well, as perky as someone who sleeps 20 hrs a day can be).
My older son William was able to go visit Matthew in the NICU today for the first time. William was more amused by the faucet near us that kept turning on...it was motion activated and people were walking by. But he did give his little brother a kiss on the head before going downstairs with grandma to see "nemo" in the huge fish tank in the lobby. It was nice to finally have the whole family together...even if it did only last about 5 minutes.
Unfortunately my dad was dealing with his own unwanted guests in the way of a stomach bug. We left his pukey self out the house! With Matthew getting over an infection this week, no need to ad a stomach virus to the mix! And honestly, I don't want it either! YUCK! All of those drugs to stop preterm labor are still fresh in my mind and I'm all puked out from those still.
We had yet another guest this week in the form of a little stray doggie. My husband was coming home from visiting Matthew on Monday night. He was traveling up I-75 North. If you have ever been around Atlanta, you know that no matter what time you are on this road...there is ALWAYS traffic. It was about 11pm and he was almost to our exit when he noticed a little dog crossing the road. Luckily up this far from Atlanta (about 30 minutes) there are only three lanes. Unfortunately, one of those lanes was occupied by a semi-truck. Ian pulled over into the emergency lane to see if he could coax the dog to him, but couldn't get out fast enough. The truck bowled right over on top of the poor pooch. Because he was little he went right under the truck, missing the carriage and tires, but just tumbled repeatedly due to the air current under it. Ian ran out to get it.
It was alive, but definitely in shock! Who wouldn't be?? Ian went ahead and put him in the back of his SUV and called me to find a 24 hour vet care place. The closest one was 20miles away, so off goes Ian to the rescue. He gets to the vet and tells them the story. They look over the little guy and give him a clean bill of health based on his quick physical exam. No broken bones or sprains or need for stitches. Just some bumps and bruises and the fact that he'll be quite sore in the morning since they were guestimating that his age was 10 years +. With out needing care, the vet couldn't keep him...so we had a house guest for the night. The following morning we found a no-kill shelter and dropped him off.
This made us both so sad, even though we knew he was "safe" we really fell in love with him in that short amount of time. He looked just like a teddy bear. Too sweet. But not even knowing how things will go when we bring Matthew home with our Downey girl, we didn't want to add another dog to the mix as well.
So, needless to say...we are all "guested" out this week. I'm putting up the No Vacancy sign as we speak! :)

Closed?

I just got off the phone with my hubby as he was leaving from his visit with our son Matthew. We take turns visiting if we can't find a sitter for William, so I go tomorrow and we will both go on Tuesday together when Ian's dad watches William for us.
I asked him how our little tiny hiney munchkin was doing during his visit and he informed me he only visited with him for about 20 minutes! He had been there for an hour and a half...why only 20 minutes? They had closed the NICU temporarily. What on earth would make them close the NICU to parents of sick babies that need the loving touch of mommies and daddies? Well, Ian had an idea...though it wasn't confirmed...it made sense.
When they opened the NICU back up, Ian saw a nurse and the hospital chaplain following a couple holding a teeny tiny bundle in a blanket. Ian knew a baby that small could not make it off of monitors and iv's...so his conclusions is that the baby didn't make it. :(
The minute he said this, we both started crying on the phone together, me on the couch and him in his car. We realized how truly lucky we are and how strong our little fighter is. We knew going into the this that it was all in God's hand, but we are so happy to know that He still has plans for our little boy. Even going into the NICU and seeing all of the babies, some VERY sick, it just doesn't register that some may not make it. You just pass a kind, knowing smile to the fellow parents and rush to your baby's bedside. You never talk about why a baby is there, you just rejoice that they are getting help.
I pray for heaven's newest little angel that has floated up into Jesus's arms tonight. Rest in peace little one. Your fight is over. Visit your parents in their dreams...I'm sure they'd love to see you. I also pray for the parents and family of this little baby. Help them get through this tough time. Give them the support and love that they need. And thank you God for letting Ian be there instead of me...You knew I would have fallen apart. Please continue to rest Your hand on Matthew.

Happy 4th!

I love fireworks. Something about them just mesmorizes me. It actually intrigues me even more now that I know how they work and what they are. All the little pieces that go into making one small shell to get an "ooh" or an "ahh" out of a crowd. If you wish to be kept in the dark, then you might want to skip this entry in hopes of keeping the mystery alive still. If you are interested, don't expect rocket science here...although the only difference in the two is the oxidizing agent for color...but that's another story. This will be kept on the level I teach my chemistry kids. We do a fireworks lab in my class to help them name the different chemical compounds in fireworks. The colors they give off during the explosion is unique to different chemicals.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. First lets start off with what a firework shell is composed of and how it packed together. First you need a shell/container that holds all the fun inside safely. Inside the shell you need black powder/gun powder, a bursting charge (the actual firecracker that booms in the sky) and stars. The stars are where the aerial display comes to life. In this shell is a colorful chemistry lesson. As I said before different elements/compounds have different chemical properties (any old chemistry students remember the old standard flame test?) That was always a fun lab day huh? :) Anyway, if you have an excellent memory you might could recall that lithium produces a red flame, barium a green flame and copper a blue flame. Now there are MANY others naturally, but this is just to give you the idea of where colors come from in a fireworks display. Now this is just for luminescent fireworks.
Have you ever noticed fireworks that change colors or seem to "fizz" on their own? Those are incandescent fireworks...made up of different things but a main ingredient is charcoal of all things. Have you ever noticed how charcoal goes from black to red to orange to white...this also reflects how hot it is with white meaning it's reached is prime temperature? Same with fireworks. A lot of the incandescent fireworks will appear gold and "sparkly" or as I refer to them as "disney fireworks" because they remind me of Cinderella's castle.
Now that you know about colors, what about shapes? Have you noticed hearts, smiley faces and stars (especially for the 4th)? How do they do that??? Well this has to do with how the stars from inside the shell are arranged. The more tightly woven together they are packed, the more compact the display of color, the more widely spaced, the more room is taken over in the night sky. Also, if the stars are arranged in a pattern...such as a star...you see a star in the sky.
So here's hoping you enjoy your night of excited electrons dancing in the sky. My family will finally be able to spend America's birthday together watching the show downtown tonight. Can't wait. Have fun, be safe!

Sweetest Day

Today was the best visit to the NICU. Ian and I both got to hold Matthew, which we have done before a few times...but I was able to nurse Matthew for the first time. It just warmed my heart. I was giggling while my eyes were filling with happy tears. I was touched by his little hand resting on my bare chest and his little face nuzzled tightly into my skin. So sweet! He also surprised EVERYONE, me included, when he actually did nurse. They just expected him to "play around" and get use to the idea with out accomplishing anything...but that kid went to TOWN! Yowza! I am just so proud and happy. The doctor's even told us we will be starting out training at Egleston's Children's Hospital near Emory for outpatient dialysis. This means we are in the homestretch. They said they would send us to training when Matthew was a couple of weeks out from coming home! I need to get his nursery ready!!! AAAHHHH! I'm so excited! Paint samples, here I come! :)

Pity Party

Bad things happen...to everyone. What is "bad" for one, is a blessing for another. The word is getting around to some of my "aquaintences". Naturally, my friends have been in the loop with my high risk pregnancy, but I didn't feel the need to share all the details with everyone I have ever talked to before. Now they are springing up from the ground...I might not have even talked to them in years. It's nice to be thought of and I love the extra prayers for Matthew, but spare me the "poor baby, poor mommy" outlook.
Yes, I know...we have LOTS of challenges in the future and the future itself is very uncertain. The nephrologists has given us the statistics of Matthew even making it two years of age and they are not good. But I will NOT let this get me down. Nothing is "bad" to me. Bad would have been if the doctor's didn't do diddley and I never got the chance to even hold him. Bad would have been losing him before I even got a chance to know him. Bad would have been listening to Satan and aborting him when the doctor's told me to...that actually would have been evil.
I have so much to be thankful for and I'm aware of it daily. On every trip up to Scottish Rite I see so many children with terminal diseases like my son...but my son's is treatable...he just has to hold out long enough for the treatment. Many of these children's diseases are not. You pass their parents in the hall, the kids are being pulled in little red wagon's because this is the only way they are allowed outside of their room. Some are too weak to even sit up and look around, they are propped on pillows and bundled in blankets, with the other parent following the wagon with their monitor or IV stand. Daily we see families leaving with tears on their cheeks and red eyes. My husband and I leave hand in hand with a smile on our lips and a prayer of thanksgiving in our hearts because we had one more day spent with our son and he is doing SO well.
I don't know why this happened to our family and our son. Why God decided we should be the parents of such a special little boy, but I accept it with open arms. I am ready to learn why we were chosen. I am prepared to have my eyes opened to whatever has blinded me in the past. I am eager to start this journey with my family and loved ones. I am willing to give my son part of me so that he may live that much longer...though I will request a lot of pain killers after the surgery. ;)
So please, don't feel bad for us, we are truly blessed in our little family. Matthew is strong and so are we...we have God on our side. Only have tears of happiness that he is doing well, only have words of praise that God has given us such a special son, and only offer words of support and thanksgiving. The only thing in all of this that hurts is the doubt and gloomy thoughts of others. Please be happy for us, we are thrilled with our new arrival!

Butt soap?

Well, that got your attention didn't it? hee hee :) With our nearly daily drives down to Scottish Rite hospital to visit our new son...my hubby and I have been having some entertaining conversations (especially if there is road work and we need to pass the time) Our conversation yesterday involved cleanliness. We are about to become "germ-nazis" when our little one is able to come home. With his kidney failure, he is less able to fight infection and with his dialysis, germs have a direct entry route into his body. So we were talking about shower habits and such.
Do you use a wash cloth, your hands or just the soap itself to clean yourself? My husband uses all three. Wash cloth for his face, hands for his body and soap for the uh...nether regions. So, if he gets in the shower before me...am I washing with "butt soap"? EEEWWW! I know germs won't live on the soap, but I don't necessarily want leftover "residue" that toliet paper didn't quite reach on my soap either!! I think when I leave for my visit with Matthew today, I'm stopping by Walmart for some body wash. ;)

One week ago...

I became a mom for the second time! I received my little 4 lb gift 8 and a half weeks early, but one look at that tiny face makes all the hardships to come worth it! I'm slowly recovering from my emergency c-section, but keep over doing it in favor of visiting with my little miracle that is an hour away in an isolette at Scottish Rite children's hospital in Atlanta. Been very sore and busy this past week. And I'm off to pump some good stuff for my baby boy, Matthew Ian. Can't post too much for now, but I'll be back as soon as possible.
Here's a link to his birth story from a baby site I journal on for him to read one day: http://www.babycrowd.com/jr/online/krfm2003/

Please keep my precious bundle of joy in your prayers. We have a long road ahead of us, but have come a long way already.

Random musings

Atlanta Braves fans are rallying behind their favorite pitcher John Smoltz...how is he not retired yet?? Anyway, he's having his third shoulder surgery in 8 years. He is planning on making a comeback for next year though.
Hot-lanta is living up to her name! It's going to be in the mid-90's all week. Kind of makes me glad to be on bedrest! William has been forced to play outside in the mornings only because daddy can't take the heat of the afternoon. :) This is the same guy that endured boarding team school in Charleston SC in July for 10 days wearing full body armor.
I'm trying to prepare William that he will not be "the baby" for much longer...but it's hard. I do refer to him as a good boy and a big boy, but sometimes the "baby" term of endearment just slips. Then he refers to himself as the baby after that. "Where's baby's cup?" I need to get better about this!
Downey girl is sulking beside me on the floor. Ian vacuumed the couches today as he does once a week. (another benefit of bedrest for me) ;) This means Downey is not allowed on the furniture...at least until tonight when we go to bed and she jumps up on it anyway. But we like at least one day of no hair!
I just found a new favorite donut. Publix bakery! I do love their cakes and cookies, but have never in all my years of being near one tried their donuts. Man was I missing a good thing! Another note on Publix, I just joined the Publix Baby Club. I didn't get to join when I had William because we weren't anywhere near one in Wilmington. They sent an entire booklet of coupons (all buy one, get one free) and a 500 page book from the American Academy of Pediatrics...going from pregnancy through 5 years of age. It talks about milestones, common concerns (illness, development and answering "tricky" questions) along with first aid and nutrious recipes. Wow...and all of that for free!
I love the smell of Vick's Vapor rub...I don't know why...I just do! I don't know why I wrote that either...I just did!
I read for fun and to learn every night before bed. My fun books exercise my imagination and my informative books exercise my intelligence.
I am downing in between 80 - 100 ounces of fluid every day. (that's in between 10 and 12 glasses of water each day). So I have fluid going in me from every direction pretty much!
I'm getting a case of the munchies...gotta go! Happy day to you!

Just for you Randi! :)

Here's one of the very few pictures I have of Ian with hair on the computer already. We got a digital camera right before we got married and put it to use on our honeymoon at Disney World. ($10 bucks if you can name this restaurant! - hint- it's in the resort we stayed at) Anyway, he had his hair cut right before the wedding so it's not all curly and long here. I'll look through some actual photos from college and see what I can come up with.
Good night!
OH, and thanks for reviewing the photobook! :) Love ya!