Thank you...

for saving my son. For giving him part of you when I couldn't.


For helping me to NOT take any more pictures of leaking hemo catheters that cause surgeries and blood transfusions and emotional chaos. Thank you for giving my son the chance to live OFF of a machine. Thank you for letting the only fluid that will be leaking out of him be the prettiest yellow, instead of red. :)


Because of you - I get to keep him. Because of your heart, he'll have a working kidney. Because of your unselfishness, I get to be selfish and keep him around for many more Christmases to come. Because God placed you into our lives, into my aunt's life.


I'm speechless...I'm grateful...I'm touched. Thank you God. Thank you Marie.

Resolutions

I know - we make these every year and by Jan 15th...we conveniently "forget" about them. Well, this year instead of making broad and generalized things, I will be specific. No more, "Being healthier", no more "improve my patience", and no more "increase family time". Care to have a go with me and share yours? We could hold each other responsible. :)
And we're off! First resolution of the year - to play at least one game with BOTH of my boys each day. It can be Candyland, tag or balloon bump (made up game that me and William do). No excuses of being tired, having a migraine or too much to do today. My kids are worth more to me than folded laundry. I need to treat them as such. And unless it is raining, we will spend a certain amount of time outside every day. If it is too hot for Matthew and I'm worried about fluid loss, Matthew and me will hang out in the garage with the door open while we watch big brother ride his new scooter and me and Matthew play with sidewalk chalk or something together. Fresh air will be key to Matthew's health now. Gotta get in the habit of doing it...even if it feels like 120 degrees out there. Fresh air every day!
My second resolution, no yelling. I've often said I would be more patient - HA! This year has tested that more than any other...and when I get to the end of my rope and am hanging on by tattered/frayed threads...I yell. I yell for William to find his own toys himself. I yell at Ian for being 10 minutes later than he was supposed to be. I yell at Downey...well...ok, that one probably won't change if she still takes food out of my kids' hands! Downey OUTSIDE!!! ;) But I don't want to yell anymore. The "teacher" in me can sound very commanding and I know it freaks out the kids...so no more. This one will be hard!
Third resolution, no more "bad" language in the car. William has said his first "questionable" word...oops. :( So, mommy will do better. I know this is going to be hard...especially driving in and out of Atlanta. I mean come on - I-75 is FULL of idiots. BUT, I will control myself. Bring out the "substitutes". Yes, everyone knows what dangit means, but at least my three year old isn't saying dammit to his grandmother! :) I will behave, I will behave, I will behave. BUT, I'm allowing a relapse if I'm in the car alone. :P
My forth and final resolution is to finally put my health at the forefront. Once we are settled into our new routine of kidney transplant family, I will start taking care of myself so that I am around to take care of them for awhile. Yeah, I could say I'll eat right and exercise, but....BAHAHAHAHA! NOT giving up donuts and ice cream! SO, I'll keep up with my doctors. I actually GET a nephrologists for myself. Keep up with my electrolytes and creatinine (not like I do not have adequate experience with this!!) At my transplant evaluation, I was told my creatinine was 2.1. SO, I'm NOT worried at all. If Matthew had that - I'd jump for joy! :) (normal for ADULTS is .6 to 1.2, so I'm not high at all thankfully!) But, it is my goal to remain dialysis free until both of my children get married. No catheters will be taped up during the wedding pics! But to do this, I've got to stay on top of things. My vitamin D and iron are low - but easily fixed with supplements. No biggee. I'm fortunate that this was caught during stage 2 - where it is NEVER caught! (thank you Matthew) :) So, I have a good chance of staying ahead of things hopefully.
So, those are my specifics for this year. Nothing I shouldn't be able to handle. Here's hoping 2010 is a bright, happy and HEALTHY year for my little family and your's too. Happy New "kidney" Year!

Music for my soul

I need music. Music is a form of prayer to me. It speaks to my soul when I'm too close minded, frustrated, hurt or checked out to listen to others. I kind of checked out this afternoon. Just went to my bad place of hugging my knees to my chest as sobs came freely. It is therapeutic...but I'm a mother and can't do it often. Matthew was taking a nap after we got home and William was decorating a gum drop Christmas tree with my father in law. I had a minute to myself...and lost myself. Lost my will. It's back. I'm back. I'm ready to fight for my son...for his rights. To move things along and take things as they fall. Just writing down some of my favorite lyrics for days like these:

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels


There can be Miracles - Prince of Egypt

In this time of fear,
When prayer so often proved in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
With heart so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles
When you believe
All hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe


The Prayer - Celine Dion

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

And of course the song I always go to when I think of Matthew. The song I included on his section of the Christmas video I did on my boys last year. Oh how I love my gift from above. :)

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
Like a fairy tale come true
Sitting by the fire we made
You're the answer when I prayed
I would find someone
And baby I found you
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift
Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
If only time stood still
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But baby in my eyes
You'll still be beautiful
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift

The one I keep starting over

I've been trying to type this post for about two weeks now. And MY...how the weeks have changed things around here! In the course of 11 days I've gone through fear, anger, relief, elation and doubt. Two Wednesday's ago (Dec 2nd) my son was rushed to emergency surgery when his hemo-catheter was pulled loose. Yes, the catheter that runs straight THROUGH his heart. And yes, the same catheter that was replaced on Nov 3rd the previous month. Needless to say, I didn't take this well...at all. Luckily, for Matthew's one year hemodialysis anniversary, Matthew's new catheter worked much better than the tiny one placed in his little 5.6 kilo body the previous year. I was still a mess that we had made it to his one year anniversary. Yet another milestone most babies under the age of one never see on hemo...Matthew has fought his way through. With congestive heart failure, fluid build up EVERYwhere, two bouts with sepsis, numerous clots and catheter issues and three surgeries for perma-catheter placements... I think he's pulled his load enough this year (without even touching all the stuff he went through before hemo!). Time to go after the transplant team! I called for a team meeting immediately to make sure everyone was on the same page.

Guess what? We got a pager. :) Guess what else? Our potential donor (remember St Marie - donor number 4) passed her kidney test screening (that no one else has so far)! OK...one more. Guess what again? Marie has been "rush ordered" for her next testing/screening. It will be THIS week. THIS Friday and Saturday!! Do you know what that means? We are almost DONE! That is the last part! We are fortunate to have a donor in GREAT health and she really takes care of herself and exercises regularly. The only possible "kink" could be the number of veins feeding her kidneys. We want ONE juicy big vein!! If there are more than that, the surgery is off. :( Nothing that can be controlled or manipulated...so fingers, toes and eyes are crossing in our family this week. We could actually KNOW if it will work out before Christmas! :)

I'm really not trying to let myself get too excited. It seems little Matthew has a knack for finding good fortunes only to be kicked in the kidney so to say. I don't know if we can take another hard knock. We will of course...but it won't be pretty. We are really hoping for a Christmas miracle. A true gift from God this year. He gave life to His Son, now I'm asking that he keep my son alive.

As we say in the kidney world, Matthew appears to be "fading" a little bit more each month. Yes, he is still happy and active, but the cost is more medicines and longer dialysis. We have been talking four days a week soon. I don't want it to come to that. I don't want my son plugged up to a machine more days than he is not. It gets to be the question of am I doing this for him or for me...

We do have an "out". If sweet Marie can not donate for some reason, Matthew gets listed for ALL matches. Remember that pager I mentioned. I'm honestly not expecting a page before Christmas since we are only listed for a perfect match...aka - his twin kidney! It happens, but it is rare. So placing him on the "anything" list, the docs think he will have a kidney by February. So January for a living donor, February for an angel donor.

This could be the end of our way of living...a way of living for over a year. I don't know any other way. It is both exciting and frightening. The trading of one set of problems for another. Trust me...I'd much rather have the transplant problems any day! :)I'm just nervous. I know what I'm doing now...pretty confident in my day and my knowledge. Soon, everything will change.

I'm getting ahead of myself and I'm rambling. I tend to do that when I'm nervous. I think this post has ended up being more for my mind than to keep my friends in "the loop". I do have a couple requests please:
Please keep our potential donor and her family in your prayers as she gears up for testing. Give them all peace, comfort and health during this time. It was SO much easier when I was the one to go under the knife for my son. That's what every mother should volunteer to do for their child. Take away the pain. But when someone else comes forward...it really leaves you speechless and grateful! (not to mention teary-eyed...often!) And please pray for Matthew. It is every mother's dream to see their son grow up healthy and strong. I don't want to bury a child. I can't imagine the pain. This surgery has the possibility of saving my family from that nightmare.

This surgery can give me the dreams of motherhood. A toddler that toddles without rickets holding him back, a child that has the option to be a picky eater because nothing is restricted, the freedom to stay home on rainy/cold days instead of fighting traffic to get to dialysis. I can be mommy more than nurse. Yes, I will still play nurse...I will always play nurse. I don't mind that. I just don't want him to play the "sick" boy anymore. I want a healthy boy for Christmas...please God...give me a healthy boy. Give him a kidney.

Meet Aubrey

I was working on an entry about premature awareness month for November, but then something happened. Something bigger than me, bigger than my small "platform" on prematurity (it will be coming later this week). Little Aubrey. Aubrey is an angel on Earth and if the insurance companies wouldn't spin out into oblivion by looking at how costly it would be...I'd promise Matthew off to her. :) Look at this face and just try to deny how cute she is!

I had the great joy of meeting sweet Aubrey this spring at Egleston. I was dear friends with her father in high school, but like with most friends...with the passing of time and the building of our families...will lost track of each other. I never dreamed I would meet Jeremy once again on the transplant floor of all places. It was both wonderful and awful to see him. We caught up 8 years in the thirty minutes before Matthew's dialysis run. And Matthew and Aubrey waved to each other in their respective strollers. I know God brought Jeremy's beautiful family back into my life for a reason, though I wish it could have been the fact that our kids were on the same soccer team instead. I know the doctors, I know the nurses, I know transplants...maybe I could give them some knowledge...in anyway possible. However, I don't know pediatric cancers.
You see little Aubrey is a big fighter. Late last year she was diagnosed with a very rare tumor called a Rhabdoid tumor. Her poor body endured numerous months of chemo before she was finally given the sweetest gift - the gift of life from an angel with a signed donor card. This summer, Aubrey was finally declared cancer free with the help of a liver transplant and God's healing grace. I shared Aubrey's miracle with my friends and family and all rejoiced for her and with us!
Last week, Aubrey's parents noticed some sort of mass in her abdomen, and after calling the transplant team, thought it was likely to be a hernia. After transplant clinic a few days later, it was determined NOT to be a hernia. It is "something", believed to be the Rhabdoid returning. Tests, biopsies and surgeries will follow this week with an official diagnosis.
As most of my friends know, I rarely ask for prayers (especially for myself or my family), but I humbly ask you know to pray for this family.

This loving, Christian family that has already received one miracle desperately needs another one right now. Please pray that the tumors are benign or that the tumors are a less agressive type, an type that responds to medicine and chemo quickly. Please pray that God will keep this family enfolded in His strong arms. Pray that both Michelle and Jeremy find wisdom, hope and comfort in the days and years to come. Pray that older sister Maddie finds security and happiness as her family is once again torn between two places. And pray for complete healing for Aubrey...here in her earthly home.
God, I know You have this all mapped out already...but please allow us a selfish request to keep an angel on Earth with her family. Help her story and her fight unite people to better love and serve You as You perform yet another miracle through her. Please God, encourage others to give their time and money to various children's hospitals through out the country this holiday season in honor of Aubrey and her past battle, her current fight. A big request, for a small person. Lord, hear our prayer.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3.5-6)

Miracles

Miracles...I don't use that term loosely. Pretty much the only time I "regularly" say miracle is when referring to a certain Christmas movie with that word in the title. So, what is a miracle: 1. an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause. or 2. such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
Earlier this summer, my husband's grandfather was diagnosed with a rare bile duct cancer, cholangiocarcinoma. He was given his "time frame" and told to enjoy his family. This cancer was often too hard to fight.
Last week he went to the doctor and had a scan. The previous scan he had had a little over month ago showed that the chemo was helping the tumors (he had many small tumors everywhere in his liver too) not grow, but they weren't shrinking either. This scan showed - NO tumors at all...even in his bile duct! Needless to say the doctors (and all of us too) were shocked and thrilled. Our family miracle was celebrated this weekend when the boys got to play with their great-grandfather). William always asked him if he was still sick every time he saw him, but this time grandaddy finally said "all better". :)
I can't wait to finally report Matthew is "all better". We are still waiting on our miracle, but have received SO many. It is so odd that yesterday I was talking to a friend about how all the surgeries/treatments that were supposed to help Matthew - ended up causing some sort of damage either short or long term. But all the surgeries/procedures that were likely to kill him - were the ones that saved his life.
Please God, as we come up to the one year anniversary of hemodialysis (another statistic that most babies do not live to see), I ask that You protect my son and keep the doctors wise. Keep our potential living donor (that finished her phone interview from Emory yesterday!) in Your embrace and protection. I really want to have a New Year's resolution of keeping my boy's gently used kidney healthy. I know things are at Your time, and I am waiting. Waiting both anxiously and patiently for a miracle.

Five for Friday with mama m

So, welcome back to Five Question Friday!! The fun little carnival to get to know one another and have a little bloggy fun!

Rules: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog, answer them, grab the MckLinky Blog Hop code, and link up! I would be ever so grateful if you'd link back to me...Mama M!

What's that?

You don't have a blog? Well...just answer the questions in the comments below!

Let's get started!

Questions for 11/13/09: (Thanks to Sandy for her question and to Liz for inspiration--I tweaked her question a bit!!)

1. What is your favorite "eat" on Thanksgiving?
I LOVE green bean casserole. We just don't have it any other time other than Thanksgiving or Christmas, so I stock up on it then.

2. What is the name your best girl friend and the best trait about her or how you met (or heck, both!!)
Audrey, (she's my sister). She introduced me to my husband...so she kind of rates high due to that. ;) Her only down fall...she's a Dawg fan, but no one's perfect (except Georgia Tech fans) :P

3. What would you say is one of your "weirdest" quirks?
Man - I EAT WEIRD! Weird things, weird ways - like a slice of cheese, bbq potato chips and sweet pickles all ON one sandwhich with mayo. ;) I eat candy outside to inside...taking off the sugar coating (like M&M's) or the chocolate covering of peanut cups and butterfingers. But that's not what I wanted to share. ;)
I twirl my hair - weird - not really. BUT I have some sort of oddity for "soft" things. I twirl my hair, when I'm bored, content or frustrated. But then I take my newly twirled lock and rub it underneath the "pucker" of my lower lip...and it feels like silk. I don't know...what can I say...I'm just weird. :)

4. What is your favorite genre of music? (Hip hop? Classical? Rock? etc.)
I will listen to everything but opera and rap. I am mainly a top 40's, southern rock kind of girl on the whole though. But the Georgia Tech defense has put another song that I normally wouldn't be singing in my mind lately "All the way Turnt up". It's their "pump up song" on big 3rd downs...and it's catchy.

5. Are you a Night Owl...or an Early Bird?
Both - not by choice. Mainly - I'm just tired.

I am thankful

I am thankful that Matthew's surgery allowed him to be in patient for 10 days so we could learn about some potentially dangerous complications due to his high blood pressure. I knew high blood pressure over the long term was bad, but no one expected it to get so bad so quickly. Matthew's heart is damaged, but not irreversibly. With new meds, (and a new kidney, minus TWO crappy kidneys) Matthew's heart will be repair itself and be just fine. But they will monitor it now. If things go from bad to worse, we get listed...no more waiting. Without being in-patient -they would not have caught the fluid in his heart, in his lungs and the thickening of his ventricles. But we caught it...we caught it...it will be ok. I am thankful!



I am thankful we got a larger catheter...which makes for a smoother dialysis. With smoother dialysis...you get less alarms. Alarms cause the machine to stop...when the machines stop, the blood isn't getting clean. Matthew's blood is the cleanest it has been for a while! The day of surgery - his creatinine was 7.8, now it is 2.7. :) This mommy is thankful AND happy! And so is Matthew. :)



I am thankful that Matthew smiles the brightest smile for me when I need it. I took the hospitalization a lot harder than he did! Everyday to be told "you'll go home tomorrow", only to be re-told "well, one more night". To be given discharge papers THREE times and only for one of those to actually hold true! VERY frustrating. But that smile...made it worth it. Bad food, no sleep, 5am labs and REALLY having to relieve your bladder right as the doctor, intern and resident ALL walk in to do each of their separate spills. I'm thankful Matthew is so happy...he makes me happy.



I am thankful William is strong and healthy. I am thankful that I don't take his health for granted anymore...I just realize how blessed I am to be a mom to a "normal" extraordinary kid. He still surprises me with his intelligence and sense of humor. His athletic abilities are gaining too. Hmmm - dare we say track star? This boy rocks my world everyday. I'm thankful to be his mother...and that he tells me he misses me when I'm gone (even if it ends up making me cry afterwards).



I am thankful for unexpected detours that lead to wonderful family memories. I am thankful I can't plan it all, but can enjoy every second. I'm thankful for my family that God game me. For a supportive husband that lets me cry on his shoulder or come home from the hospital so I can spend some time with our other son. I'm thankful for my parents that came up to the hospital EVERY evening so that I was able to get a "break" to take a shower, take a nap, take a breath. I'm thankful for my "family" friends that lifted us up in prayer and my special "big sis" Robin that even drove down to visit us. Yeah, my family is kind of...wonderful and for that...I'm thankful.

Extremes

Found a loop-hole in the Children's healthcare system and am able to do a quick post as Matthew just went down to bed...hopefully. Yes, we are still here, but more on that later (see his caringbridge site for full updates).
Being in patient, I was able to witness a beautiful moment today. The first steps into a new life. A liver patient received his life saving gift over three weeks ago. Since then his tiny 8 year old body has been wracked with pain...mind numbing, gut wrenching pain. The doctors finally listened and reopened him to find a MASSIVE infection growing right next to his new liver. If left in much longer, the liver would have not made it. He arrived up from PICU yesterday. This afternoon, he took his first steps down the hallway...steps into a longer, healthier life full of possibilities. Everyone came out of their rooms and even the nurses and techs stopped to watch and then clap. Teary eyes were abdundant! It was beautiful!
Today I found out my son was developing congestive heart failure. Something a mother doesn't want to hear about in the first place, let alone on a child that is 16 months old. When they placed his new catheter, they ordered a chest x-ray to make sure the lungs weren't nicked and they were in the right artery/vein in his heart. They found fluid in his lungs. The next day they ordered an ECHO and an ultrasound of his heart. They found more fluid and that his ventricles were enlarged and thickening. He has had dialysis every day this week so far and will continue to have it every day until he is well enough to go home. They are drawing off as much fluid as possible. He has lost 2.5 pounds of fluid in two days. Blood pressures have come down from dangerously high numbers like 180/122 to 138/74. It's working.
He's not well enough for a transplant...he's not even well enough for them to put tubes in his ears like they thought they would do while we were here. But he is happy. He is smiling. He is "talking". He is pointing out every balloon in the hallway and picture on the walls. Everyday they have given me "worse" news by lunch time, after their earlier diagnosis of "maybe you can go home today". No, as much as I don't like to admit it...Matthew is a very sick little boy right now. But he is getting help! They are doing all they can for him, ordering procedures, radiology and labs to figure out this little puzzle that is my son.
If you had talked to me this morning, after getting 2.5 hours of sleep, you would not have recognized me. I have extremes...highs and lows...always been that way. I do tend to cover things up with my dry sense of humor...but those that know me can see through that. I was hurting for my son this morning. Hurting for his future and how unclear it suddenly was becoming.
Then I saw David, the 8 year old, and he inspired me. Kids do the darndest things, but inspire is not usually a word associated with an 8 year old. Crazy, overwhelmed, frustrated...those I hear more frequently. But I see little David and how far he has come and I look at Matthew and see how far he has come. From the threat of termination to the treatment of a transplant waiting in the wings. He's a fighter. And no diagnosis is going to keep him down! He won't allow it. I won't allow it! No need to hang my head and cry (hello - we all know Atlanta is a little flood happy at the moment). So if he is refusing to throw in the towel and start all the "why me's?"...well, why should I? We are going to keep pushing through until he is well and receives his transplant. We are going to fight this new battle because I'm a mom of a soldier boy. We are going to laugh and say statistics be damned, because they have never meant anything to us before as Matthew has always been the exception. We are going to go from one extreme of poor health to another of optimal health...because that's all we can do.

Hidden

Look out the window? See Mother Nature's display. God is painting the trees again. Beautiful isn't it? Did you know it was there all along? These fiery reds, striking oranges and vivid yellows...all hidden away under a peaceful shade of green. Yes, anthocyanin and carotenoids are there the whole time, you just can't see them. They need a catalyst to show their true colors and certain situations (dry, warm summers followed by cool, wet fall nights) will make the show even more spectacular. But I'm not going to give a science lesson (darn huh) ;). Just know I did very well in my plant physiology class and have a ton of respect for all the plant processes, that when broken down seem more complex than anything I do during the day!
Hidden...we keep many things hidden in this house.
Feelings are hidden to protect others that "haven't been there before"...to make it look like all is fine and we are coping. That having a medical needs child does not put a strain on a marriage while one partner fights for a child and the other fights for the couple...never at the same time, so always at odds. That others don't have to tip toe around us for fear we will cave in to depression or anger or finally snap. Feelings that we can not show enough gratitude to all who have made us feel special yet normal. Seriously, you'll never know the depth of love for you in our hearts.
But, feelings are expected to remain hidden...they are personal. Each person copes differently with feelings. I'm fortunate enough to have an outstanding husband that doesn't let me clam up and sulk...though I want to! He makes me talk things out and feel better while crying on his shoulder and snuggling in his protective arm. It feels so good to be there...protected. *I have a secret to share with you* <(whispering) I sometimes climb into my husband's arms, he scoops me up like a child and I wrap my body around his and stay there for minutes on end> I need that when I feel my most vulnerable. I need to be enclosed fully to finally feel protected from all the crap out there that is heading straight for me.
And now, I'm going to do that to my children...and we are ALL going to hate every minute of it. :( After this weekend, we are going into hiding. We ARE in hiding already...kind of. To the point that we are not going to the kiddie places or high crowd areas. But now we truly will be hidden. I will allow one final hurrah so to say with trick or treating in my in-laws neighborhood and then my dad's birthday the next day with the cousins...but after that...no more. :( Of course we will see the grandparents, but we can't be around kids of school age - pre-school through college. It's all school and school is just another name for educated germs. Matthew will not be allowed to move ahead with transplant if he has so much as a cold. He NEEDS a transplant. Those sweet potential donors are trying their hardest to get him one. We should find out in about a week. :) If no one is a good match, Matthew will be listed.
Here's how it goes, Egleston will not list a baby (especially one that is about to reach his one year dialysis anniversary) while he still has living donors going through the process of testing. A baby that has been on hemo for that long, with a common blood type, will get a kidney within a month - tops. whew! I was one relieved momma after I heard that! Living is better - will last longer, will work quicker, but a cadaver kidney still saves a life and honors an angel.
So in order to protect my family, I have to PROTECT my family. I know this will be hard. I'm not all that happy about spending day and night at the house. I just want to cry thinking about William not seeing any friends. It makes me so sad that Matthew doesn't get to experience sights and sounds that every other one year gets too. But if I don't, he might never get to experience anything. He can't experience much from a crib in the dialysis or from the PICU hooked up to monitors and IV's due to an infection/virus. I KNOW this is going to tick off some people...especially come Thanksgiving and Christmas...but they will just have to get over themselves. They are big girls and boys that need to act like that. If the shoe was on the other foot, they would do the same thing. Family comes first, my sons come first! We will spend both holidays quietly at home. And we will miss the extended family and friends VERY much.
But in doing this THIS year...in remaining hidden...image the wonderful display NEXT year when we come out. When the catalyst (transplant) occurs and Matthew is free to show his true colors that have been hidden behind the red and blue catheter lines. When he shows us what a kidney can really do! Be on the look out - God will be "painting" the picture of pure health! :)

Last Christmas, Matthew and William in front of the tree.