typical Friday

Typical around here is pretty much atypical for anyone else, but our typical has changed over the last two months - and for the better!

Friday - pretransplant:
Turn off feeds at 5am regardless if Matthew finished or not. Wake up again at 6am to get self ready, pack diaper bag and give baby a mini-bath from the 1- 3 puking sessions overnight. Throw the crib linens in the washer as I run out the door at 6:45am. Take two hours to drive 64 miles, add and extra hour if it is raining. (WARNING - metro Atlanta drivers forget basic driving 101 if any precipitation is within 50 miles of the city, they also forget when the sun is in the sky, when someone is changing a tire on the side of the road, the wind blows or it is dark outside)


Pull into Egleston parking garage around 8:45am. Change Matthew's puke clothes, hoping it is just on the bib...dangit! (Yeah, God DOES have a sense of humor - He thought it would be fun to give Matthew motion sickness like his daddy on top of the all the pukiness from kidney disease - I'm not smiling...) Say hi to all of our "people" at the hospital (security, environmental services and food services). Wave to fishies in the aquarium. Head up to 6th floor. Quick hi to Parrish at registration and get access badge permission to head back to hemo unit. Sign in and wave to our friends on first shift. (this is when we would get Activase injections for clots if necessary - which it was - a LOT!)
Head to family bathroom to change diaper and give medicines (all four blood pressure meds, sodium supplement, iron supplement, vitamin D supplement, reflux med, calcium supplement and tylenol for cramping, and yes - those were just his morning meds). Head across the hall to family kitchen. Turn on Disney channel (LOVED when they put a tv in there last summer!!). Warm up Matthew's bottle of decanted kidney friendly formula. (was decanted the night before for two hours from 10:30 pm to 12:30am, just in time for the 1am feed change) Say hi and wave to all of friendly nurses, techs, liver docs (they did rounds at 9am and always came in for coffee prior), social workers and child life specialists. Bolus feed of 60 ccs over an hours.
Someone from dialysis comes in around 10am to get us for our session. Head on back with a baby ready for his first nap of the day. Get undressed and weighed, (Matthew not me) take temp and get blood pressure. Laugh at how crazy high blood pressure is and shrug it off. Set UF goal for 1000, knowing he will start to cramp at 850 and only allow them to go to 900. Put on mask and sanitize hands with cleaning foam. Hold Matthew's attention for hook up and labs. Matthew tries his hardest to get every syringe he can to "help" the nurse. Keep sterile field away from his feet - it won't be sterile much longer... Set machine to dialyize. HOPE and PRAY it works. Begin three hour countdown of worry.


Roll Matthew onto his tummy and coerce him to take a much needed nap. Sigh as alarms beep, 9 year olds play xbox with volume set at 100 and nurses laugh and call to each other from across the unit. Matthew is out. Wait until the next blood pressure comes to make sure all is alright and he is not bottoming out or getting too high. OK, I have 15 minutes to pee and eat before it is time for the next blood pressure measurement. RUN! POTTY! SWALLOW! RUN! Next blood pressure squeezes comes around...and wakes up Matthew. YAY, a 20 minute nap. :) Get the gamecube tv from one of the techs. Put in a movie for Matthew.

At noon, heat up bottle of 60 cc's. Give another dose of blood pressure meds and anti-nausea medicine. Nurses administer Aranesp (yes, human plasma from the blood - NOT to be used in those that have congestive heart failure...) and ferric pyrophosphate citrate (which would make Matthew vomit if they gave it before I put food in his tummy). Matthew now starts cramping and is getting overtired while being restless at the same time. This is when mommy goes goofy and does everything in her power to make him laugh for the remaining hour. (or to hold him down as still as possible while the lines start to "suck" at his blood, pulling air and causing all sorts of commotion on the machine - the chanting "please don't clot, please don't clot" was used a lot here!) THE alarm sounds - one of the best sounds in the world. FREEDOM until Monday!


So then it is time to amuse Matthew again while we disengage him from the machine, heparinize and flush lines and clamp him off. Back to the scales, get a temp, measure blood pressure (for the 14th time in three hours) and get dressed. Wave to everyone vigorously saying bye-bye and blowing kisses (again, Matthew not me). Finish up last bit of bolus before getting in the car. It is now 1:30pm.

Head for home and pick up William at 3pm. Get home roughly around 3:30pm, try to get Matthew to take a catnap before his 4:30pm bolus...fail! Check blood pressure to see if we need a "bump up" dose. Get dinner started up and check in with hubby to see his arrival time. Balance dinner with bolus "shots" of 60cc's for an hour. Bolus feed and dinner are both done at 5:30pm. Eat, watch Matthew gag as us eating...very appetizing. Playtime/family for 30 minutes. At 6:45pm, get Matthew's bed time meds ready (see morning list) and set up feed pump for nightly feeds. Get boys to bed - start all over every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (adding LOTS of screaming, skin being peeled off and even higher blood pressure on Monday's for bandage changes).
Yeah- that was fun!

Friday- post transplant:
Turn off feeds when feed is complete and go back to bed, until Matthew starts jumping and squealing around 8am. Give morning meds at 8:30am (reflux medicine, bladder spasm med, lactobacillus, and steroid) 9am, feed 120cc bolus of UN-decanted, pop the top off the can, high calorie formula. :) Lasts about an hour and fifteen minutes. At 10am, give both anti-rejection meds.
PLAY!


Noon meds - Valcyte (on for only 4 more weeks) and Bactril (only four more months) and bladder spasm med. Followed by bolus feed of 120ccs. Then on to glorious NAPTIME! YAY (That is kind of mommy's favorite..especially since William is all done with naps now!)
This is followed by more playing and wreaking havoc of my house, while looking cute while doing so... yes, he is saying Uh Oh in the picture.


120 cc bolus at 4:30pm, mommy makes dinner, daddy comes home. Family time and BATH time!! Splishing, splashing, hooting and hollering commence. :)


Night meds, night feeds, night-night. To be continued the next day. Man, it's nice having a working kidney in there so we don't have to work as much on all the Stuff...just play. :) Thanks Marie. :)

my direction

This is a video I was proud of...sharing our story...getting the word out.
http://www.11alive.com/video/default.aspx?menuid=149#/News/Daily+11+%40+7-+%235+18+month+old+gets+a+new+kidney/49906865001/50317397001/68957395001
And then I opened my eyes and pushed my own feelings from that joyous moment aside. I'm glad they got the message of hope. People need to hold on to that - especially if that is all they have left. I wanted to be an advocate for so many things - unborn babies, preemies, the suffers of kidney disease, those waiting on the transplant list...and on and on. But I just can't do it all. I can't spread myself so thin, because then it all suffers. I'm not giving all of me to anyone.
So I have made a decision to pick up where the video left off...I'm going to be an advocate for donors. Everyone tells me - you must be so happy with your surgeon, nephrologist, hospital, caretakers...everyone. Yes. They say "this would never have happened without all of them to take care of Matthew". True, in a way. But honestly, it wouldn't have NEEDED to happen without Marie.
Without Marie's unwavering resolve to get my child healthy for the first time in his life...the hospital professionals would have been doing something else that day. A doctor can't make a working kidney out of thin air - and the one that does will be a multi-millionaire! He needs someone to volunteer, living or upon death, to give a kidney that works. Right now, according to the UNOS list, there are over 106,000 people waiting for an organ transplant, and 17 die each day because there are not enough organs to go around. So many are taken to Heaven, when Heaven KNOWS we need them here!
My sister in law and I will be walking in the Kidney Walk, sponsored by the Kidney Foundation on April 24th. We have formed a team - Team M&M (in hope for Matthew and in honor of Marie). We will wear green to signify the donor awareness ribbon. Please visit our site: http://donate.kidney.org/site/TR/Walk/GeorgiaandAlabama?px=1606628&pg=personal&fr_id=2431 Join our team! Help us make our goal and give the most we can to bettering the lives of others that are still waiting. Let us walk together (in person and in our hearts) to give them hope. So they know people care. So people can learn the truth about organ donation instead of the taboo.
If the life of your loved one depended on a list...I bet you would sign your donor card in a hurry.

World Kidney Day

I've been quiet...I've been busy. It takes a LOT of energy to keep up with Matthew now. :) And we've been getting over a tummy bug. And who knew that a 24 hr bug could last 5 days in someone that was immunosuppressed? Now I know! Man, that was a LOT of puke. blech! Thursday will be a big day for us. We have clinic and Matthew's prograf levels and creatinine will be tested - with big hopes of lower values on each. (With dehydration and a 10% loss of body weight, the very medicines that help him to keep his kidney can kill his kidney...it's a fine line). Thursday is also a big day in other regards: World Kidney Day!!
So...how does this affect you? Well, have you checked in with YOUR kidneys recently? I didn't think so. The goal of World Kidney Day (as stated on www.worldkidneyday.org)-
# Raise awareness about our "amazing kidneys"
# Highlight that diabetes and high blood pressure are key risk factors for Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD)
# Encourage systematic screening of all patients with diabetes and hypertension for CKD
# Encourage preventive behaviors
# Educate all medical professionals about their key role in detecting and reducing the risk of CKD, particularly in high risk populations.
# Stress the important role of local and national health authorities in controlling the CKD epidemic. Health authorities worldwide will have to deal with high and escalating costs if no action is taken to treat the growing number of people with CKD. On World Kidney Day all governments are encouraged to take action and invest in further kidney screening.
Oh you don't have diabetes or high blood pressure? GREAT! Neither do I! Guess what? I have stage two kidney disease. I've had ONE UTI, that caused ONE kidney infection. One NASTY kidney infection that I kept explaining the fever due to sinus infections, the back pain to my college bookbag and working 12 hour shifts at the hospital on my feet, the fatigue due to getting 4-5 hrs of sleep nightly trying to get all of my classwork done while staying up on the phone with my boyfriend. Yeah, I still don't have high blood pressure; I still don't have diabetes. I've passed glucose tolerance tests in pregnancy; I've never passed protein in my urine. Technically...I should have healthy kidneys. I don't. All due to an infection from when I was 19 years old, and passed twin kidney stones. That was a fun day!
So just for the fun of it...ok...it's not fun but it will lead to MORE fun in your future if you find out...make an appointment with the doc. Pee in a cup, expose a vein, and put a cuff around your upper arm. Just to check.
I thank God for Matthew. I never would have known. Now I take supplements and follow a better diet to preserve kidney function. Mine are working at 82% and I've got a long way and a long time before they get bad...if they ever do. But it is peace of mind knowing. It helps me plan for the future. It makes me do research and gain knowledge. It allows me to spread the word about how awesome kidneys are and how often they are taken for granted.
Have you checked your kidneys lately? Maybe its time.
Happy World Kidney Day to all of my kidney friends and family!!

Too much

So I've been wondering...have I gone too far with my son? I look at him right this minute and just say that's absurd. He's SO happy, he's SO healthy! How can you doubt yourself Karen? Well, pretty easily actually. I am a mom, and mom's always wonder if they have done the best for their children in every regard. And at the moment...I'm wondering if I've done too much.

Yeah, after my impromptu nap last night at 8pm...I was wide awake by 11pm to watch Private Practice (the spin off of Grey's Anantomy). I'm a junkie to medical drama where adults act like teenagers getting mixed up in each other's love lives. It's a flaw I've learned to embrace. :) But on that episode there were parents of a tiny 25 weeker with lots of complications. The parents were holding out on hope that their child would get to live a normal life one day if they just kept fighting. The doctors didn't agree. They were suggesting medical assistance be stopped. In the end, it was. The parents finally got to hold their baby free of wires and just let him feel love.

Now no way can I compare my son's medical journey to one so severe as what this little guy was facing...but the similarities of what the doctors said kind of brought it home. I was told to terminate before he was even born and I resisted and fought for him. I was told by FAMILY and FRIENDS that said too much was being done...why don't I just stop once he was born. I've had to push the medical community, transplant team and home healthcare personnel so they would realize Matthew was a person. Not a number, a statistic or a nameless being. He was MY boy and I wanted the best for him.

I also wanted the best for me. I wanted Matthew here. I kept reasoning that if God wanted to take him...he'd do it anyway. During surgery, during sepsis or even while driving over ice to get him to hemodialysis. He's still here. I think he has a big purpose on this earth...I can't wait to find out what it is. But also, I wonder if my selfishness is what has kept him going. Did I "taint" his outcome due to my pushiness?

If I hadn't gone along with the interventions and fetal surgeries...Matthew wouldn't be here. There would be no "well, a miracle could happen". You can't grow a urethra if you don't have one. His lungs would not have formed, his heart would be misshapen and his body would have curled in over itself from lack of fluid and space to stretch out. Did I "play God" in advocating for my son? Did I push the medical community to keep him alive when according to their books, he should be dead? Who am I to put my son through 20 surgeries just so I can hear his giggles?

I'm his mom. I wouldn't change a thing. God gave us the tools of surgery, dialysis, and medicine to make things better. They work with God, because through Him all things are possible. My son is here. He shouldn't be. He's used up is "nine lives" and is on number 11 right now. God reaffirms that to me through people like Marie. Through donors everywhere, nurses, doctors, surgeons, pharmacists. God gave them their gifts for a reason. He gave me my son for a reason. I am grateful for both.

I am throwing away the receipt, no exchange necessary for Matthew. Thank you God for the perfect gift. :)

And then it snowed

If you couldn't tell by my previous post...I was having some hard times dealing with sweet Aubrey's passing. I just didn't see what purpose that could have served. But then realized the purpose wasn't for me to understand. I felt both the guilt of having a child that has defied death (let me count real quick) 9 times and the empathy of being a parent that has had to deal with the shock, confusion, fear and anger that their child was chosen to be so greatly tested.

If you have been reading my blog since the beginning (I think the whole three of you) then you might remember my feelings on snow. No, not the blizzard in the east...just some random snow flurries or a light dusting that makes a southerner look around and say "wow, that's beautiful". Every time I had doubts during my complicated pregnancy, namely before each of the fetal surgeries...God would send me snow...even in April. :)

It would cleanse me of my selfish wants and reaffirm my faith that God was in control of the situation. I just had a supporting role in all of this, no longer the lead actor. (Kind of crushing to my Leo ego too). I would pray that God would send me some sort of sign that all would be ok, that I could walk into that ultrasound room with my head held high KNOWING I would hear a heartbeat instead of silence. The bad thing about having a baby that was without amniotic fluid - risk of cord compression/suffocation...I was a major kick counter momma!!

On the way to memorial service, our car was hit with tiny snow flakes. Going into the church, flurries clung to my black dress coat. Waiting in the receiving line to pay our respects to the family, I noticed white dots swirling in the trees and bushes outside the windows. And again leaving the church, tiny flakes were flying into my red eyes making them sting all over again. Once I reached my parents house to collect my boys, it stopped.

God was telling that He was with Aubrey and Aubrey was just fine. Don't worry Karen, I've got this family well covered with family and friends and love. Just be there for them, share Aubrey's memory with others and love each moment you have with your family and children. Be extra thankful for the handcrafted snowflake I put into your life on January 14th when your son's blood was truly cleansed for the first time ever.

I will.

I don't get it...

Why is God mean? I know He is fair and just and loving...but yesterday, I didn't see that. My friend's daughter, whose 2nd birthday is on the 15th, passed away in the wee hours of the morning yesterday. A nearly two year old...seriously...that for an entire year of her life had to battle cancer. She was "cured" of it through a liver transplant, only to relapse 6 months later. Yet the drunks, rapists, murderers and just plain jerks are feeling fine and living fancy free!! It's a crock of crap God - just so You know.
I don't understand why children die, why children suffer. I went to Sunday school. I sang "Jesus loves the little children". It completely stunk that Aubrey had to suffer for months, but I think what is worse is the suffering her four year old sister will endure now. How do you explain death to a child that can't understand that fact that a cold will not kill her. Daddy is going to work, he will not be gone forever like Aubrey. You will see Aubrey again one day. No, not tomorrow sweetie. Yes, we want you play together too, but please don't talk about leaving mommy and daddy anymore - it makes us sad.
I just can't imagine!
I know God's purpose is better than our own. I know God knows more than us. I know God is watching over his children of all ages. But it doesn't mean it doesn't suck. It does - big time.
I have NO sympathy for those people that drink and smoke themselves into cancer. Well, that's too bad - guess you shouldn't have been a chimney for five decades huh?? I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around. If you are stupid and put crap in your body, your body will get even with you - whether from a heart attach with too many Whoppers or emphysema from too many cigarettes (which is what killed one of grandfathers). But a child hasn't been around to do anything wrong! I know God doesn't work that way - punishing those that speed or lie or cheat on their spouses (I would LOVE if He gave everyone that commits adultery a scorching case of the clap - again...I'm mean like that). But He's not. I just don't get how He picks and chooses. I hate how He picks and chooses. Why this child and not some other child? Why that child and not that child there? I guess if I had the answers I would be a millionaire and that is not the case!
I will see how God unfolds His plans with their family and with our family. I'm SO happy He placed us together earlier last spring. I hope I am able to provide any means of comfort and support that I can to them at this time. Please keep them in your prayers. Pray for the parents that teeter back and forth between shock and despair. Pray for Aubrey's older sister that she will get through this with as little long term effects as possible. I hope Aubrey visits her sister in her dreams often. Pray for the grandparents and extended family, for they lost a loved one too but are often overlooked during the funeral and weeks following. Pray that Aubrey is finally at peace and feels no pain. I pray she is happy, healthy and running wild.
I will miss that twinkle in her eyes.
The last time I saw her, I was leaving with Matthew from dialysis and she was coming in for transplant labs. Her mom and I stopped our strollers a minute to talk to one another while the babies talked to each other. I looked down and they were holding hands. I think they would have been great playmates. One day...one day. Rest sweet Aubrey, you deserve it little angel.

Two weeks ago

Fourteen days ago, my youngest son was hooked up to a machine that would empty his body of toxic blood and push it back inside him as mostly clean. He would be hooked up to monitors and have his blood pressure taken every 15 minutes. He would ride out stomach and leg cramps. Fight the want vs the need for sleep while people were carrying on conversations, televisions were playing and alarms were sounding. He didn't know any difference, but I did. It was his LAST dialysis session. :) Needless to say, my feet didn't touch the ground. When it was all over, I actually got a bit weepy. I going to miss some of our fabulous nurses. Yes, the docs make all the calls...but the nurses are the backbone of a hospital. I appreciate the care and concern they often showed my son...and at times...me.
That night, I tucked my "broken" son into his hospital crib one last time. A new day was coming in the morning. A new beginning and a new life, all in the form of a 5 inch kidney. Yeah...I didn't sleep for crap! And Matthew I think noticed my excitement and was "partying" it up from 2am til 4am. :) But I didn't mind in the slightest. We just giggled together. Then daddy arrived at a more respectable time in the morning at 7am after dropping the oldest son off at his parents' house. Soon we had a roomful of family including my parents and my aunt (the donor's friend).
Then...THEY came for him. I was so overwhelmed. I think I saw my mom cry. I grabbed my camera to take his last crappy kidney picture in the waiting room of the OR. Along the wall of windows leading to the elevator, I told him to soak up his last bit of sunshine since he would be stuck in the hospital for a couple of weeks. We went through all the consents and necessary talkings to with the transplant team. Then, they took him from my arms.
I've NEVER been happier to see someone take my son to surgery than I was at that moment.
Don't get me wrong, I was nervous...it was a major surgery. But happiness won out over nerves. But with the emotional battle occurring on the inside, I think I was crying while smiling on the outside. I just remember hugging Ian tightly. We headed up to get the entourage and I texted family and friends (that were being sweethearts and spreading the word for us) that he was taken back.
We waited. Steve, our donor Marie's husband, and her son Matthew (great name huh?) ;) came over to visit while Marie was still in surgery. We all talked and prayed together. I felt very peaceful the whole time. So back upstairs to waiting. We received updates every hour and Steve would text with updates on Marie. Then, one of the reporters from Sharewyk (Share What You Know) tweeted some pictures out to us.
Marie's kidney had arrived and Matthew's had been taken out. His kidneys were compared to rotten meat the size of a wad of bubble gum (ewww). Here's the comparison picture of two unhealthy kidneys and one GREAT kidney!
I started getting all hyper at that point. Life was going into my son, taking away disease and death. I just hoped beyond all hope that it would "take". We needed liquid gold to squirt out of that thing! With every update after that, I would ask...is there pee? Any pee yet? Did you see pee? No one answered that they had. AAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Then the transplant surgeon came out. I RAN into his arms right smack dab in the middle of the OR waiting room. I just gave him a BIG hug and sobbed on his shoulder when he told me Matthew was peeing for the first time in 3 months, REAL pee for the first time in his lifetime. Yep, there was a nice wet spot right there on his scrubs...but he just got out of surgery...he'd change them anyway. ;) I thanked him profusely and set about calling everyone! I really just wanted to see my son. But before we could see him, we took the picture we'd been waiting to take....
So off to the PICU waiting room to wait until Matthew got his bed assignment after recovery. That was around 2:30pm. We didn't see him until 7pm. He was NOT tolerating his pain well at all and was freaking out about being alone with nurses he had never met. They finally called me back saying that usually they don't let parents see their child like this, but it was all they could do besides sedate and intubate again. The moment he touched him, his blood pressure dropped by 20 points. He was still in pain, but he was near someone familiar and was able to start breathing again. They were setting up to bag him before I got there. His sats had dropped to the 50's and his arms, legs and face were turning blue. He pinked up nicely again soon after our arrival. Mommy didn't lay down at all that night. Just had to comfort my son since his pain meds were cut when his respiration went down. So I know he was hurting.
They next few nights got worse before they got better. The worse night being Sunday night when Matthew's prograf (anti-rejection med) reached dangerously toxic levels of 42 (needed to be 10 - 12). He was hallucinating and frantic. He didn't recognize us, would scream, tear at his skin and stop breathing. Another "bag him" night. UGH! But as all things do, they get worse before they get better. And now..they are SO much better! He is peeing up a storm...seriously...we're drowning in urine here and couldn't be happier about! His labs are still finicky, but look awesome! Marie is recovering well and even came to visit us this past Monday when we were still in-patient and she was needed across the street for her check up. Matthew was so smiley his last weekend at the hospital.
With transplant, we have gained a functioning kidney, urine and an appetite. We have also gained new family members (Marie and Steve and their kids). Matthew has become a brand new person. He is still Matthew, but more. He is for lack of better word and at the risk of sounding corny... ALIVE! His smiles are broader, his laughter is richer, his energy is multiplied. And our hearts and lives are SO full now. We could not be happier with everything. Still in awe of our son. Still overwhelmed of what Marie has done for him...for us. Our boy is healthy!!!! Thank you God for allowing things to come in your time and in your way. I could not see a happier ending than what we have right now. Our boy is healthy. :)

Super 17!!!

We're here!! We've made it! After 137 sessions of hemodialysis (not mentioning the 4 months of peritoneal dialysis) for a total of 361 hours, tomorrow we will be going for our LAST treatment. Only three more hours of my son plugged up to the dialyzier! I think I'm still in denial that this is happening!! I just can't wrap my mind around it.
After over thirteen months of going down to the hospital to receive life sustaining treatments, we will be going down to receive a life SAVING surgery and drive away with excellent kidney function! I mean I am happy if his creatinine is under 7.0! (my standards have gone WAY down!!!) I can't even imagine what it will be like if it is under 1.0 and NORMAL!! Oh Lord...he's going to have SO much energy. Maybe I should be a little more scared about this than I am...
But I just can't "be scared". I can only be excited. I'm all jumpy and jittery and just going everywhere at once. I'm surprised my skin has just come off from the sheer energy that is coarsing through my body at the this moment...but then I'd have to clean it up...and I really don't have time for that. ;) Is is weird that I'm not scared? Many of my friends and family ask that when they call or email. Are you scared. No, just really excited!
Yes, I am anxious...it is surgery and the longest one he's been in. His port placement, pd catheter extraction and g-tube placement only took 3.5 hours. To take out two old kidneys, add a new (slightly used) kidney and remove the hemo perma-cath will take approximately 6 hrs. EEEEK! I'm just anxious to hear the surgeon come out and say "it looks great and we've got liquid gold right at this moment!". I think I'll cry.
I've never cried at a surgery, before or after. Is THAT weird? I've always just gone on automatic pilot. Matthew needs these things done and they will be done so we can get to the BIG surgery. I've always had my eyes on the big surgery, but never really thought about the BIG day arriving. It feels like it is happening SO soon yet SO slow! I'm trying to savor these last 24 hours with both of my boys. (I miss William SO much when I'm at the hospital...and he doesn't take it too well either). But I'm also saying, come on, come on, come ON!!! :)
This is what I have been fighting for since I was told at 16 weeks gestation to give up, throw in the towel, you are young and can have another one soon. I could never replace Matthew (only his kidneys). I'm thrilled to shove it in everyone's face that ever doubted my boy! HA! We MADE IT!!! HE made it!! He kicked dialysis BUTT! :) (Ok, so not very mature, but eh...I don't care at the moment) :P
I'm NOT looking forward to the pain, the blood pressure issues, the diarrhea...ugh! But the fact that Matthew will be HERE. He will have the strength to walk! He will be able to learn how to take food by mouth! He will grow up to be a man that can overcome any obstacle, because this baby has been a fighter all along. I am so proud of him. :) So grateful for all he has given me. So thankful to my support team of friends and family that have gathered around us. And I can not form words to express my feelings for Marie.
Is your green clean? Wear it to honor Matthew, Marie and ALL the organ donors and recipients (present, past and future). New kidney on Thursday! New journey, new life. Second chances ROCK!!!

HAPPY NEW KIDNEY YEAR!!

We have a DATE! January 14th!!! And I have no words anymore. Seriously...I think my brain slipped out of my ears or something. I can barely put this sentence together and it is requiring a LOT of backspacing due to my fingers and brain not communicating right now!
Just had to share!! I also posted on Matthew's caringbridge while my brain WAS working (for those brief five minutes).
OK, I'm going to Wal-Mart. I'm too excited/nervous/happy/hysterical to sit still.
I'll come back when my brain does!
WE HAVE A DATE!!!! New kidney here we come!! :)

Thank you...

for saving my son. For giving him part of you when I couldn't.


For helping me to NOT take any more pictures of leaking hemo catheters that cause surgeries and blood transfusions and emotional chaos. Thank you for giving my son the chance to live OFF of a machine. Thank you for letting the only fluid that will be leaking out of him be the prettiest yellow, instead of red. :)


Because of you - I get to keep him. Because of your heart, he'll have a working kidney. Because of your unselfishness, I get to be selfish and keep him around for many more Christmases to come. Because God placed you into our lives, into my aunt's life.


I'm speechless...I'm grateful...I'm touched. Thank you God. Thank you Marie.