* OK - little parental warning - harsh and unladylike language will be in this post; can't help it...I'm pissed *
I just found out something about a friend. She is jealous of me. No, I take that back - she's jealous of Matthew! Well, he is waited on hand and foot, surrounded by toys and adoring family members and has someone to wipe his tiny hiney daily...that is a pretty sweet existence if you ask me! BUT he also is dependent on a machine to live both nightly (feed pump) and weekly (dialysis), has rickets so severe his bones look more like swiss cheese and has a blood pressure issue that is not going away with the two meds he is currently on. Yeah - I'm sure we all envy that!
No, that is not what this person envies...it's the attention. What attention?? The movie script that was thrown at us yesterday or the photo shoot for People magazine where they offered us a million dollars for a spread? Yeah, no special attention here lady. When he is out (and that's a big when because he rarely is out) in public, people don't give him any more attention than they would any other baby. Yes, he's a smiley little guy and people smile back...that's it. I don't flaunt his condition with arrows pointed to every different artificial opening and tube into my son! When I am surrounded by my friends in the privacy of my house or their house, I do show them Matthew's "robo-baby" parts. It helps them to become more comfortable around him. I don't want people to shy away from him for fear of breaking him. He's already "broke" actually. ;) People are uncomfortable around things they don't understand or don't have knowledge of...I don't want those I love and those that love him to be uncomfortable in anyway around him. Babies can sense that.
This friend is envious that when Matthew is around people that are aware of his condition, people want to see how he is doing. She is jealous of the fact that people are praying for him to get better. That family and friends gush over a milestone when he reaches it, no matter how delayed it was. Seriously - when this boy starts walking - the WORLD will hear the screams of joy from our house! I am VERY proud of my son. For defying the odds and beating the statistics. For LIVING. For going through Hell and coming out with smiles. He is a gift from God and has changed my life dramatically...for the best!
That doesn't mean he is any better than your child, than my oldest son, that you or me...he's different. All of our children change our lives when they are born. I don't treat him any differently than I have my first son. Actually he gets less time - less story time, less cuddle time, less one on one time - because I have two kids. William knows Matthew is special, but he also knows he is special too!
Now for you to have the nerve to say you don't want to be around when Matthew is around because your child doesn't get any attention...then I say F**k Off! I don't need you and your negativity around anyway. How dare you! How dare you be SO selfish that a sick baby threatens your share of the spotlight. And you think that when he gets his transplant, all will be well again between us? When he gets "better"? It won't. I'll be even more proud of him and I'll have another person to boast over too - his grandmother that is giving him the gift of her kidney.
I wish with every fiber of my being. With my heart and soul. To take away all of this pain and utter crap my child goes through every day of his life. I would gladly be beaten, whipped, broken and left for dead to trade places with him. That is exactly how I feel sometimes at the end of a bad day. The bad days when he has spent 4 hrs in surgery. The bad months when he is in need of three surgeries within 20 days of each other. When he cries at the sight of the hospital doors because he doesn't want to be messed with any more. It KILLS me. You want this? No you don't. You have no clue what you are talking about. And I'm not cruel enough to wish it on you.
Your shades of green jealousy are turning your soul black. I'll pray for you.
17 comments:
Wow. I'm speechless. I came here from MckMama's site. I also have a special boy, who is much healthier now, but have never (that I recall) been put in a situation like you were. I'm so sorry your friend had to say that. Your post was well-written and much cleaner than I would have said (no offense taken).
I will pray for him and you as he soon will be getting a special part of grandma.
I will be praying for you, your little man, and his grandmother!! While I am at it I will say a special prayer for your "friend" it sounds like she needs it!! Hoping for the best for your family! I could not imagine being put in that situation!! Some people never cease to amaze me!!
I got to thinking...I can remember being at church with my son at 8 weeks old, with his apnea monitor, G-tube coming out of his outfit, haning on the infant carrier with a syringe. The feeding pump was dripping into it at a slow rate. He had to have his tube open always and hanging above him to prevent gas build up. Anyhow, this lady (at church, remember), comes up and says, "well that's an interesting contraption, what a way to use a bottle instead of holding it". I looked at her and said, "I would love to hold a bottle for him to eat. This is HOW he eats. Through a tube." She shut her mouth and walked away. No applogies or anything.
Anyhow, it always seems there is someone out there who stares (lots of that) or actually MAKES the comments that hurt us so deeply. In the end, ya gotta wonder, if they regret or feel foolish for making these comments.
Val, I don't feed my son in public for just that reason. The only time I feed him in public is at the hospital on the transplant floor - where other moms understand. I can't stand the pity stares either. I go back in forth which is worse, ignorance or pity. But this was just down right hateful!
I came from MckMama's site. I am shocked! I don't even know what to say. Ignorance is so incredibly infuriating. My best of luck to you while dealing with this "friend." I'll definitely be praying for you because I know it can't be easy.
i haven't been on to check ya'll out lately due to the lack of internet etc.wow! one word bout sums it up. i can not believe this. a true friend would never do or feel this way to a true friend. i am quite sure that as a mommy, your just very grateful to have your child on this side of earth. you have a child with special health needs. not her. i will pray for ya'll.
on second note, that is so awesome that your grandmother is giving him his gift of life, kidney! that is great that she is a match!
My daughter is Autistic and while I've never personally been put in a position like you were, I have heard of people being jealous of the perceived "special treatment" that Autistic kids get. I'm baffled and can't figure out WHY people think this way. I can't understand how people can be so mean and inconsiderate.
You take care of that baby and do what you have to. Miss ya... Brandy
I am sorry that your "friend" turned out to be less than what you thought. What a fabulous family you have that Matthew's grandma is giving him a kidney, that you have people interested in his well being. You are right, she's jealous. And if ONLY she knew, huh?
Prayers with Matthew, you and your family!
GEESH is all I have to say to that "friend". complete and total ignorance and complete lack of mercy/grace/understanding. I don't get how she could have been so insensitive & selfish. Very strange. maybe by some crazy way it was a misunderstanding? gosh girl I don't know.... I'm glad you were able to vent - I hear you I really do. You are right in all you say. Turn your back to that whole situation and 'friend' and say kiss it. u r moving on and don't even have anymore energy/time to even think about that again! :)
I am learning more and more that I just don't care about what people I don't care about think. love ya. hugs
a
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I've enjoyed getting to know you a little this evening. I'll be putting you in my reader so I can keep up with your journey...and pray for you all.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of situation. It must not be as uncommon as you might think because I've faced the same! A little different though since I had to deal with my sibling and this sort of jealousy/envy. Its really is nutty to be jealous of the attention a child gets because of very serious health issues...something no parent wants their child to face - ever.
(((Mama))) your friend is absolutely nuts! How anyone could be jealous of ANY of this, I can not comprehend. I would not wish renal failure (especially in an infant) on my worst enemy (not that I really have any). I know Logan does tend to have a bit more attention on him when we see our friends but I would gladly give it up. It takes a really insecure person to not be able to see past their own lives to realize how much you would love to not be going through any of this.
Gosh, that is sad that a friend feels that way. I'm pretty sure she has no relationship with God. I just don't even have any words to say to that. Other than don't let what she said stop you and ur family, friends, and followers from jumping up and down for every milestone, may it be big or little
- Steph
Karen,
I'm sorry you have a "friend" who feels that way. I pray that she turn her ways and rejoices when Matthew is doing wonderful, and pray right along with everyone else when he isn't.
I'm sorry, but that is not a friend. Friends don't feel that way about your child - who almost died - and lives a precarious life at best.
Write this friend OFF for good. There is no return to friendship from that. Keep surrounding yourself - and that sweet boy - with people who will support you through the sad times and celebrate with you through each lovely, sweet milestone you all reach.
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