Candles

2 Corinthians 4:6
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today people throughout the US and Canada will unite and light candles at 7pm to honor the tiniest and sweetest of lives. It's a day I grieve for my friends' children, the children I will wait to meet in my next home. It's a day I never knew existed until last year when a friend sent me grief support group information when we were told our son "was not compatible with life". My son is here, their child is not. It doesn't seem fair...

I'm an outsider looking in on a courageous group of women. I see the grace and strength in these women that I can not hold a candle to...but I will hold a candle for. I will light candles for their children - for what was and what will be one day. A light shines in the hearts of all of moms and dads and grandparents and siblings, a light to cover up the hole that is missing. But one day, that hole will be made whole again...just as their child was made whole and healed in heaven.

Personally, I felt like I was dealt a trick deck of cards in life. If two moms where told their child was not to make it, how come one is still here. Believe me, I'm grateful and delighted in the fact that Matthew is here, and I wouldn't change that for the world! Yes, he has had a hard life, but he has also known love, laughter and family. I feel, for lack of better word, guilty...especially to my PUV friends. Same diagnosis - different outcome. All because of a doctor? Doubt it. All because of a depth of love? HARDLY! All because of our faith in God? Maybe...

Perhaps our path to God was different...we needed to learn different things...be tested different ways. Like how someone endures a house fire and someone else is faced with life in a wheelchair. Each trial is hard, but each will teach different things. Ask a professional athlete which s/he would rather endure...then ask a millionaire. I bet answers might be different.

God's lessons are different for each of us too. And even though I've been through the grief of "loosing" my child, I've never buried a child. And even though their hearts hurt SO much for missing milestones, they rejoice their child missed the pain of living with his/her disease.

Please, at 7pm tonight, light a candle for all of the parents of angels. I will be lighting candles for Baby Nels, Baby Matthew and Baby Vayden - all PUV babies. Such beautiful boys, such beautiful mothers. Help remember them.