It's been a long time since I have written. I had decided to live and celebrate life rather than writing about it. And we have - we have enjoyed every moment. You have to in this family, our kidney family. You never know what will become of the next infection, complication or medical mishap. Today is a sad day in our kidney family. We have lost yet another fighter, just 10 days shy of his 1st birthday.
A few family and friends often ask me why I let myself get attached to people I may have not even met. How I can form such an affection for a child I've never talked to, parents that only meet regularly in an online renal warrior group to share, vent, cry and offer praise. They are MY people. They are ME. Our stories are different, but our outcomes are hopefully the same - a successful kidney transplant and a somewhat normal life with our children. We know exactly what each other feels - we've been in their shoes and can offer hope and help in times of trial and despair, or share smiles and gratitude in times of happiness and health. And then their are the days like today, that only a few of us know what it feels like...but we all feel it in our own way.
We have all had to fight for our child(ren)'s right to live - sometimes to even take their first breath. Our children are fighters, born fighting and pass away fighting. When one of our kids is in the hospital, you can bet we are all storming Heaven - whether it is for something as "easy" as a routine biopsy or something as scary as sepsis. We are family, you don't turn your back on family...especially if they need you. And we all need each other, in different ways. For reality checks of how good we have it, for hope in the future, for a sigh of relief of what we've gotten through and for support during the unthinkable.
I can say stuff to them, that I can't to others. I don't have to worry about offending or insulting them - they know exactly what I mean in the heat of the moment...in times of stress, fear and exhaustion, because they have had those same feelings too. The loss of a love one is always heartbreaking, add on the loss of a child and it's mind boggling. Knowing what these special children have endured throughout their lives already...it's numbing.
And everyone of these special, strong parents that have dealt with this numbing, horrifying nightmare, would do it all over again. I would do it all over again. To have known these little miracles, even for so short a time, it is truly life changing. They do not complain, nor ask "why me mommy" - they just live in the moment, as we all should. Because the moment is all we are guaranteed.
Rest in peace little Conner - your Father awaits you and welcomes you Home. You have many friends to play with, give them our love from their kidney families.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
