Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The verdict decision

Judge and jury collaborated this week at Egleston Children's hospital in Atlanta and in the small city of Woodstock in the Faust household of my parents, where I was staying this weekend. We had to do some soul searching since all three donors who tested came back as matches. My match was just a smidge above daddy's and grandma's...making me the likeliest to go first. The better the match, the better the chances against rejection. However, there were other things to consider.
Time- time to go down to Emory for multiple tests. Time to recover from surgery. Time to be with Matthew as he is recovering from his. As a mom to two little children, I can't take my time lightly. I already feel like William, the older brother, kind of gets crapped on a lot due to some of Matthew's medical needs. He's not going without food, shelter or people to watch over him...but he misses his mommy and daddy. Also during the recovery time I would not be allowed to pick up anything over 20 lbs for 6 weeks...two kids, both over 20lbs...yeah - like that's not going to happen. I only made it about three weeks after my c-section before I picked up William. I'm not really one to follow doctor's orders for myself. Heck, my 6 week post-partum check up didn't happen until Matthew was one and daddy was home for the summer. Oops. ;)
Matthew- like I have said in another post...I really don't want to be there for Matthew's surgery. I want to be blissfully unaware. Yet, I can't keep myself from him. I had already told the transplant surgeon that they would have to arrange a shuttle for me to come see Matthew the day of surgery. He said "you won't feel like getting out of bed, let alone going across the street". I told him about my 36 hr post "jaunt" up to the road pushed in a wheel chair after my c-section to Scottish Rite a mile down the road. He said he would arrange something that was more safe. ;) (I'm a bit pushy if you can't tell) I can't imagine NOT being there when he is wheeled away, or when he wakes up, or when his labs are drawn, or when he finally has YELLOW urine!
Chances- this kidney will not last as long as the others (more than likely, but my son is NOT supposed to be alive I take that with a grain of salt.) My mother will not be able to donate after this year. She will be considered out of age range for pediatric donation. She is a willing donor. If I or my husband go first, she is out for good. If she goes first, we still have TWO other willing people waiting in the wings. This could possibly get him close to 50 if each kidney lasts 15 years. :) Then maybe big brother or his wife or his children would be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. If we don't use grandma now, after this transplant we are down to ONE donor instead of two. There's a no brainer.
So there are the "logistics" of the decision. Grandma will be Matthew's first donor. She will begin her donor testing soon through Emory. Hopefully she will pass all of her tests with flying colors. :) But even if she doesn't, she will never know how truly grateful I am for her offer. An offer that will save my child's life. An opportunity to keep him from rely on machines. The gift to see and experience many firsts in his life post transplant - first banana, first bath, first steps. Without my mother/his grandma...he wouldn't be able to do any of those. And with the way his blood pressure is rising so high...he's not tolerating dialysis very well at all anymore. Going on 9 months of hemo next week! I am also thankful to all the other friends (well - they are family to me) that offered to be tested. You three "sisters" know who you are. I am in awe of your willingness to sacrifice time away from your family and the discomfort of surgery to help my little boy. I'm also thankful that your gift isn't necessary right now, but please know how it touched me.
Well, Matthew and William are both beating up on the dog. One's banging her head and the other is grabbing her tail. Better go save the furry daughter. I'll keep everyone posted the transplant front. Please say prayers for my mother's health and the doctor's counsel. Thank you!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

blessings you never knew

God never gives us more than we can handle - HA! He obviously doesn't KNOW me very well, OR maybe He knows me more than I know myself. I can honestly say my son Matthew's first year of life has put me through the ringer. Everything from the mundane (like stomach viruses) to the unheard (there is no urethra in your son). I'm thinking if things keep happening, then we (I) obviously missed the point the first time (or the 10th time) around. God wants me to learn something or reach a deeper level in my understanding.
Sometimes things happen after we have prayed for something else. We think God has forsaken us. Why is He doing this to me? What have I done to deserve this punishment? God can't possibly be the loving God I thought He was to put me through this! But He is!! Every hardship comes with a blessing. We may not see it right now, but it will show itself soon. Just because what we prayed for would be the "easy way", that doesn't mean it is the only way. God will see us through everything. His purpose is higher than ours, but it is for our own good.
I know I have hated everything that has had to happen to my son. I hated his past week when he was hospitalized again for blood pressure spikes and a high heart rate after hemodialysis. I KNOW the resident hated having to talk me (yes, I made my first resident cry). :P He deserved it though!! All of this happened for a reason for our family. This newest hospitalization helped me to realize that I will have to take a stand for my son, I'm not there to make friends or play nice. I need to play fair and be a watch dog over everything. My son is not there for them to "tweak" to their liking. I know he is unusual, but he is not a guinea pig! I HOPE the resident learned that no matter how much he thinks he knows, sometimes a momma really does know more. Book knowledge that he has retained has to be thrown out in respect to special circumstances that are individually linked to a certain individual.
If God hands you an unanswered prayer, just open your heart to the gift He is really bestowing. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end...even if it wasn't quite what WE's what HE saw for us. And as the old saying goes - Father knows best.

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