Saturday, July 18, 2009

blessings you never knew

God never gives us more than we can handle - HA! He obviously doesn't KNOW me very well, OR maybe He knows me more than I know myself. I can honestly say my son Matthew's first year of life has put me through the ringer. Everything from the mundane (like stomach viruses) to the unheard (there is no urethra in your son). I'm thinking if things keep happening, then we (I) obviously missed the point the first time (or the 10th time) around. God wants me to learn something or reach a deeper level in my understanding.
Sometimes things happen after we have prayed for something else. We think God has forsaken us. Why is He doing this to me? What have I done to deserve this punishment? God can't possibly be the loving God I thought He was to put me through this! But He is!! Every hardship comes with a blessing. We may not see it right now, but it will show itself soon. Just because what we prayed for would be the "easy way", that doesn't mean it is the only way. God will see us through everything. His purpose is higher than ours, but it is for our own good.
I know I have hated everything that has had to happen to my son. I hated his past week when he was hospitalized again for blood pressure spikes and a high heart rate after hemodialysis. I KNOW the resident hated having to talk me (yes, I made my first resident cry). :P He deserved it though!! All of this happened for a reason for our family. This newest hospitalization helped me to realize that I will have to take a stand for my son, I'm not there to make friends or play nice. I need to play fair and be a watch dog over everything. My son is not there for them to "tweak" to their liking. I know he is unusual, but he is not a guinea pig! I HOPE the resident learned that no matter how much he thinks he knows, sometimes a momma really does know more. Book knowledge that he has retained has to be thrown out in respect to special circumstances that are individually linked to a certain individual.
If God hands you an unanswered prayer, just open your heart to the gift He is really bestowing. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end...even if it wasn't quite what WE's what HE saw for us. And as the old saying goes - Father knows best.


babyfordawn1983 said...

Wow... That's all that comes to my mind.

Reading this blog made me tear up because for this past couple of months I have honestly started think that God had forgotten about me. With our miscarriage in January and having trouble getting pregnant again. I was starting to think that God had forgotten about me. Thank you so much for writing this because this has really made me do an about face. I need to relax and when He is ready for something to happen, it will! said...

Lately I say that God's plan timing is always so much better than our own, even when we don't know it at the time. He sees the bigger picture all the time where we see the day to day picture.

Nikki B. said...

oh'll learn a lot.

the memories i have and the lessons i learned about life, from my boy...are my "prized possessions".

making it through those times gave me a perspective that many people never get.

while i surely didn't at the time (as you surely don't now), today...i feel lucky!

Amanda said...

I willbe praying for you... you should definitely check out and enter in immunosuppressants. I would think a really high quality probiotic would do your child wonders... that and a no sugar (except natural sugars in fruits) and no starch diet. No fruit juice, no fruit snacks, no processed foods, well, the list goes on.

But you will be surprized by how much diet can change his life!!

Many blessings-

Santino's family said...

Those Dr.s don't want to mess w/ mama bear when it comes to our children. We have our intuition and no textbooks can give you that. We had to learn early in my pregnancy to be our own advocate for our son. We met some really great Dr.s who admitted that and told us to always question them and speak up. So we are pretty obnoxious now. You are right it is Gods timing not are own. We have to learn from the ups and downs. Even though things are stressful right now w/ Santino in the NICU, I feel the most relaxed/anxiety free I have felt in a long time. I know he is in Gods hands.

Anonymous said...

I saw your post on Mckmamas blog frog and since I am too lazy to make an acct. :D I figured I would mosey on over here and comment.

As far as keeping the christmas tree portion from the feeding bag in the extension without having little fingers disconnect it or even accidental disconnections, you can try the AMT Clamp. It is made for AMT extensions, but I have seen it used on mickey extensions as mickey extensions can be used on AMT buttons. It basically clips below the christmas tree portion and below the med port preventing disconnection. I believe they are $9 from AMT directly. They can be reused over and over.

With regards to keeping the med port shut, we have only had luck using a piece of electrical tape. Any type of gauze tape has never worked. We never use the med port for meds anyway and just use the feeding port. At one point the DME sent the wrong extensions and they did not have med ports. The christmas tree portion fit sooooo much better into the extension portion and there was no med port to open and vent out gastric contents. It was a blessing in disguise.

Unfortunately those are my only 2 suggestions for now. I know of a little one who just had the AMT that is balloon-less and surgically placed put in because she continuously was pulling out her button and popping her balloon by chewing on it. =X Ick!

Randi Jo :) said...

very true! You are a wonderful testimony Carebare. Keep on shining! I believe what you're learning is ultimately the best lesson we could learn - that God loves us... that He is all good... despite what our earthly circumstances seem to be. despite how we *think* we want things different. God is good and He loves us! to have faith in that even when our minds might tell us not to --- allow His spirit in us to encourage our heart that it's the truth! :) LOVE YOU!

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