Monday, September 26, 2011


If I had a million dollars - oh the things that I would do! I would just completely replace the a/c unit instead of buying a $1400 coil! I would donate to our Children's hospital. It would in no way, shape or form compensate the time and attention they have given us...but it would be a nice start. I would help my fellow kidney mommies that are getting short changed by the government, because why help the kids that can't live without medicines and surgeries in favor of helping able bodied lazy people?
I would pay for a trip to Disney for all of us too - a week of magic for our miracles. I would set up support and non-profit groups to help those facing a high risk pregnancy, families separated and/or out of work due to NICU stays, those working several jobs just to make ends meet for medicine co-pays, and a group solely to take care of the caretakers.
After living with a sick child and seeing other families dealing with this too, money seems so different now. Yes, I want more...we need more. Especially in 15 short months when medicare runs out - that's gonna hurt! But if I came into some money, I just could NOT spend it on us. I have a family out there that needs help too. Most of us want what money can't buy - health, normalcy, peace of mind. Fancy cars do not speed up your wait on a transplant list. Huge homes can not shelter your heart and mind from what may be lurking around the corner. Stylish clothes may cover up physical scars, but not emotional ones. A million dollars means nothing when you've lost your dream, your life, your soul, your child.
If I had a million dollars, I would buy back time. Time for my friends to have with their children: Aidan, Matthew, Vayden, Conner, Emelyn, Adam, Nels and SO many's just unreal. I would give each of them just one more day. I know it would never be enough. You can't put a time limit on how long you could and should love your children. You can't put a price on it either.
Here's a poem I found that I think sums up a mother's love for her children near and far.The Cord
We are connected,My child and I,by an invisible cord. Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connects us 'til birth. This cord can't been seen by any on Earth.This cord does it's work right from the start.It binds us together attached to my heart.I know that it's there though no one can see the invisible cord from my child to me. The strength of this cord is hard to describe.It can't be destroyed. It can't be denied. It's stronger than any cord man could create. It withstands the test can hold any weight. And though you are gone, though you're not here with me, the cord is still there, but no one can see. It pulls at my heart. I am bruised...I am sore, but this cord is my lifeline as never before. I am thankful that God connects us this way. A mother and child death can't take it away!

I remember them! I talk about them. I love them. I miss them too. Here's a million wishes that no matter how long it has been, you always feel them near you. And a special shout out to sweet Aidan as he approaches his angel-versary. He outgrew his tired and sick little body to grow great beautiful wings.

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