Thursday, May 7, 2009

Shut up Karen!

The other night I was in the car of a friend of mine after attending a pampered chef meeting with her (I honestly was just there for the food). We ended up talking about the trials of life...and motherhood. She has lost twins via a miscarriage and also had to deal with NICU nightmares due to a blood disorder with two of her three children. Luckily, they are happy, healthy and thriving now with no complications of their earlier ordeals. Yet, I found myself in tears as she asked me how I deal with the day to day care of Matthew.
I have never lost a child. Two pregnancies...two kiddos. I've never been seriously injured, nor do I deal with any medical issues that tie me down. Yes...I've had issues with getting my lip bitten off by a dog and getting attacked by a squirrel that attached itself to me like toliet paper to panty hose - that's another post all on its own! My son's "illness" is treatable...unlike many others. Yet, I just got down.
I guess that's allowed, but I don't like admitting it. People (whom I don't even know) say I am strong for dealing with all this with a sense of humor and a thank you to God. But honestly, can you tell me you would do any different if it were your child. If there is a problem: fix it, a boo-boo: kiss it, a non-working kidney: give him your spare!
But I look to the future and hate that my son will be labeled "different". He will have scars covering his abdomen from surgeries past and surgeries yet to be. He will be cathing himself in the bathroom stall instead of using a urinal. He will be infertile since the tubes are not connected or formed as they should be. He will be on drugs that will fight off organ rejection along with his immune system. So a cold will become bronchitis and the flu will become pneumonia. It will never just be "the sniffles". It will be a fear that this virus will cause dehydration. Dehydration will cause a rise in creatinine. A rise in creatinine will mean rejection. Rejection means we have to do this whole mess all over again. It's just mind boggling!
But I'm putting it down. (even though will rear it's ugly head again everytime he runs a fever) I WILL not think about such things when he is healthy. What is the point other than to drive myself insane? And when it does happen and we have to do it all least I'll know what to expect. And I know we'll get through we have before. We've gotten through everything so far. Even the things I didn't think I could tolerate to make it through to the next morning...we have. Matthew a fighter he is!
HE has gotten everyone through their trials, and there are trials that are SO much worse than kidney failure! Kidney failure is a walk in the park next to some of my blog friends' trials. And they have come through with grace and dignity. Offering up their praise and suffering to their heavenly Father. I have no right to complain. We are good here. I have no need for tears. We are blessed here. I have no need to worry about the future. We have God here.


Jenn said...


I was contacted through my blog by a young woman who is 31 weeks along with her PUV baby boy. She lives in Georgia. I just got the email this morning and haven't got to contact her yet, but I thought of you. She is very strong in her faith which is so awesome! Perhaps if you two live near each other it would be good for her if you met up? I know how nice it is to have online friends who have been through this, but it is also helpful to have a body to talk to as well. I'll try to get you her info by tomorrow. Please pray for her as well!

Stephanie said...

WOw, that was beautiful. The baby i'm carrying suffers from a severe case of LUTO, we were not able to get the shunt surgery. :( We don't know what the future holds, we have about 4 wks until we find out. Ofcourse it's said to be not good. I cry often when I have moments of defeat. Then I hear of a situation that is so much worse and harder to deal with. The fact that you were able to see the light in what you and Matthew are going through is remarkable. Keep up that faith, it does rub off, I've got a lil on me now. Thanks

Swidget 1.0