Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Music for my soul

I need music. Music is a form of prayer to me. It speaks to my soul when I'm too close minded, frustrated, hurt or checked out to listen to others. I kind of checked out this afternoon. Just went to my bad place of hugging my knees to my chest as sobs came freely. It is therapeutic...but I'm a mother and can't do it often. Matthew was taking a nap after we got home and William was decorating a gum drop Christmas tree with my father in law. I had a minute to myself...and lost myself. Lost my will. It's back. I'm back. I'm ready to fight for my son...for his rights. To move things along and take things as they fall. Just writing down some of my favorite lyrics for days like these:

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

There can be Miracles - Prince of Egypt

In this time of fear,
When prayer so often proved in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
With heart so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles
When you believe
All hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

The Prayer - Celine Dion

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

And of course the song I always go to when I think of Matthew. The song I included on his section of the Christmas video I did on my boys last year. Oh how I love my gift from above. :)

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
Like a fairy tale come true
Sitting by the fire we made
You're the answer when I prayed
I would find someone
And baby I found you
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift
Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
If only time stood still
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But baby in my eyes
You'll still be beautiful
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift

3 comments: said...

Karen, All I can offer you is hugs and prayers. And to say that I have been there. My crying place was always on visits home from our neph with the music turned up and the kids asleep so they wouldn't hear or in the shower. There is nothing like a good cry!

For so long, I felt like I had some control and I held tight to that control. And finally, towards the end of Logan's time on dialysis, I gave up mental control and I cried and cried and told God I couldn't do this anymore that he had to take over. After that I felt peace and soon after they called us with a kidney.

I'm not sure this helps at all but I really just wanted to send hugs your way. I am praying so hard for both you and Matthew and your donor and the rest of your family.


Randi Jo :) said...

the prayer is my mom's fave song with andrea & celine.

I love that one from prince of egypt by whitney.

i'm thinking of you. praying God's words of comfort through music or whatever form speak to you clearly

Jessica said...

I totally know what you mean! Music is my form of expression as well...good and bad

Swidget 1.0