Friday, February 5, 2010

I don't get it...

Why is God mean? I know He is fair and just and loving...but yesterday, I didn't see that. My friend's daughter, whose 2nd birthday is on the 15th, passed away in the wee hours of the morning yesterday. A nearly two year old...seriously...that for an entire year of her life had to battle cancer. She was "cured" of it through a liver transplant, only to relapse 6 months later. Yet the drunks, rapists, murderers and just plain jerks are feeling fine and living fancy free!! It's a crock of crap God - just so You know.
I don't understand why children die, why children suffer. I went to Sunday school. I sang "Jesus loves the little children". It completely stunk that Aubrey had to suffer for months, but I think what is worse is the suffering her four year old sister will endure now. How do you explain death to a child that can't understand that fact that a cold will not kill her. Daddy is going to work, he will not be gone forever like Aubrey. You will see Aubrey again one day. No, not tomorrow sweetie. Yes, we want you play together too, but please don't talk about leaving mommy and daddy anymore - it makes us sad.
I just can't imagine!
I know God's purpose is better than our own. I know God knows more than us. I know God is watching over his children of all ages. But it doesn't mean it doesn't suck. It does - big time.
I have NO sympathy for those people that drink and smoke themselves into cancer. Well, that's too bad - guess you shouldn't have been a chimney for five decades huh?? I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around. If you are stupid and put crap in your body, your body will get even with you - whether from a heart attach with too many Whoppers or emphysema from too many cigarettes (which is what killed one of grandfathers). But a child hasn't been around to do anything wrong! I know God doesn't work that way - punishing those that speed or lie or cheat on their spouses (I would LOVE if He gave everyone that commits adultery a scorching case of the clap - again...I'm mean like that). But He's not. I just don't get how He picks and chooses. I hate how He picks and chooses. Why this child and not some other child? Why that child and not that child there? I guess if I had the answers I would be a millionaire and that is not the case!
I will see how God unfolds His plans with their family and with our family. I'm SO happy He placed us together earlier last spring. I hope I am able to provide any means of comfort and support that I can to them at this time. Please keep them in your prayers. Pray for the parents that teeter back and forth between shock and despair. Pray for Aubrey's older sister that she will get through this with as little long term effects as possible. I hope Aubrey visits her sister in her dreams often. Pray for the grandparents and extended family, for they lost a loved one too but are often overlooked during the funeral and weeks following. Pray that Aubrey is finally at peace and feels no pain. I pray she is happy, healthy and running wild.
I will miss that twinkle in her eyes.
The last time I saw her, I was leaving with Matthew from dialysis and she was coming in for transplant labs. Her mom and I stopped our strollers a minute to talk to one another while the babies talked to each other. I looked down and they were holding hands. I think they would have been great playmates. One day. Rest sweet Aubrey, you deserve it little angel.


heather said...

i'm so sorry for your friend's loss. i've been through cancer and other hard times and i would do it over and over again if it meant a child could be spared. any child.

i don't know why God allows children to become ill, to pass away before they've had a chance to live their life. and like you have said there are so many people out there that are not grateful for their lives and use them to cause harm and hurt to others.

i don't know why people who are stronger in their faith than i am will say "it's God's will" or that God has things all planned out to perfection. but when their faith is challenged when their loved one becomes ill or has another terrible circumstance. they ask for prayers. many, many prayers. prayers to change the course that is driven by God's perfection.

i pray for them of course, but if it is God's will and He has it in His plans then why do we question Him then and ask for Him to change?

sometimes i find myself being the same, as i do believe in God and that He has a plan...but also asking for prayers and offering them for others. painful times like the suffering or death of a child seem anything but perfect.

in my little (very little) bit of understanding and beliefs, i guess that God does know best. that there is a plan between God and each of us, agreed upon before we are born and seperated from our "whole", our God. and that each of us has a reason for life, lessons to learn and lessons to teach others.

maybe a person who becomes sick and has such a challenge even as a child, and one who sadly leaves us before their time should be up...was meant to teach others with their hard times.

it is just a thought. and doesn't offer much comfort at all. but it's about the only thing that i can come up with to even try to understand in times of great sadness like this.

again, i'm so sorry.

Anna said...

That is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your friends loss :(

Erin said...

I'm so sorry for your friends loss. I will never understand Gods plan for any of us until he can personally explain it to me someday.

I hope it's okay but I included a link to your blog on my post. There was a thing about organ donation day on the fourteenth so I linked to you at

If it's not okay let me know and I'll take it down!

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