Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's day

Yeah I know - I'm a slacker. Sorry. Two "healthy" kids is a lot more to keep up with than one sick baby that took three naps and another child that would take three hour naps. Yes, things have changed! First, I want to thank Marie for allowing me to be a mom to two healthy boys. Without her, this mother's day would be very different. I would still be a mother of two, but I might not have been able to hold and hug on two sweet boys like I did today. Thank you for making that possible.

Did you know that I'm actually not a "fan" of mother's day? Just like I'm not really a fan of Valentine's day. Oh yes, I've COMPLETELY enjoyed my day today! It was wonderful and I'm ready for another day like it...tomorrow? :) Guess not... A day that didn't start until 11:30am when I finally got out of bed after breakfast, snuggles, presents and just relaxing and reading a book. I've been "off duty" today - no meds, no tube feeds, no grilling cheese sandwiches, no diapers, no reminding to wash hands - no worries...only the "good" stuff. :) The best present was the wildflower William picked for me when I came back home from shopping this afternoon.

But there are many moms that are not enjoying this day. Moms whose baby boy is off in Iraq. Moms whose little girl passed of cancer. Moms that have been separated from their children due to car accidents, disease, drugs, disasters and custody battles. Moms whose arms are empty and their hearts are full. Moms who never met their little one and cling to an ultrasound picture. Moms that know it is unnatural to bury your child, when they are supposed to bury you. Ladies that are moms in their heart, but due to health, society or culture can't become the "mom" you and I would recognize on the street.

Moms are everywhere - teachers, nurses, counselors, girl/boy scout leaders, bakers, secretaries and ministers. Being a mom is not biological. Being a mom is not a right. Being a mom is a reward. A precious gift that many take for granted. Just because you have five children, that does not make you any more "mom" than someone with one. Just because your child has special needs or is gifted in music does not make you more "mom" than the stereotypical soccer mom in a minivan.

A mom by heart, because not all moms give birth, have a fierce love for their children. A protectiveness that is so powerful it is hard to describe the depth some mothers would go to for their children. All mothers wish to keep their child from pain, rejection, fear and just general unpleasantness. Being a mother is giving yourself the smallest slice of birthday cake in favor of your family getting their fill of sweet moments. Being a mother means not caring if you are up all hours of the night with a newborn, it's wonderful just rocking them in stillness with no interruptions. A mother knows what you are up to, because chances are she tried to do it herself 30 years ago. Moms smile at the gifts of both dandelions and worms, because they were given by her child that sees joy in everything. Moms kiss scraped knees, rub sour tummies and come armed with a can of magic away monster spray.

But some moms put their child on an airplane to bootcamp. Some mothers place tiny bundles into a grave. Somewhere a mother is fighting over where they can possibly stick a new IV, instead of please eat your broccoli. A first time mom is sitting in disbelief that her child, the one she has prayed for her entire 9 years of marriage, as a congenital birth defect that is not compatible with life, instead of wondering what to wear to her baby shower. A mom has been told the tumor has grown, instead of being told her child is in the 75% percentile for height. Another mom is letting her "baby" of 12 years go and deciding to give life saving parts of her child to other children in need, instead of sharing hand me down clothes. Another mom was just told her third try at IVF has failed once again, instead of figuring out how to install a carseat. Somewhere a mom has run to the phone for two years every time it has rang with hope in her heart that they finally found him, instead of refusing to pick it up incase it is a telemarketer.

So today, I'm thinking of the moms that are not recognized. The heartbroken, the weary, the strained and the rejected. And yet they are strong, amazing, resilient and awe-inspiring (though you could never tell them that!). Today is for you. Today is for your memories, your future. Today is all about you and your child(ren). Happy Mother's day, in the shameful event that no one told you that today.


Brayden's Mom said...

I totally stole this....You are such a wonderful writer!

Stephanie said...

Love it Karen. Great post. I was thinking of stealing it but...I didn't so don't worry. lol

Jamie H said...

Wow! How powerful! I wish I would have read this sooner! I may just steal this next Mother's Day (I'll give you the credit of course). I called two of my friends who recently had miscarrages and wished them a Happy Mother's Day. They were so thankful that I acknowleged them even though they didn't have their babies to hold.

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