Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Spreading the word

For the first time in my life, I've learned in a difficult way that I really have no control whatsoever over my life and the lives of those I love. It was a false security that I had (my anal scientist/eductor background I guess) that I actually could control or manipulate things to do what I wanted them to do. Not in a bad way of course...I wasn't practicing voo-doo on a guy I had a crush on and he didn't like me back or anything! Just a sense of control...especially since I had never really been tested and when I had...I always received whatever I asked for, it just took a bit longer to get them.
Now I am learning to Let Go and Let God. I let God decide if my child should be given the chance to live. I am letting God decide when my needs for attentive care stop overriding our family's needs of a working husband. And luckily, God has been so good and has given us everything we could ask for in life...just with a few obstacles.
But I'm also learning that my experiences might benefit someone else that is going through all of this. Here I am, a healthy 28 year old (at least for three more months) in the prime of life, taking vitamins, and going to the doctor and my son is diagnosised with a birth defect. His defect is called Lower Urinary Tract Obstruction (LUTO) and is 77% fatal BEFORE birth even and only about 18% of those that make it to birth can have full functioning lives ahead of them. I know the road will be long with many doctor visits and surgeries ahead, but I'm so thankful to have made it to 26 weeks and 4 days. Never thought I'd go this far 10 weeks ago when I first heard that awful diagnosis and was told to terminate my precious baby then and there. I'm glad I didn't listen fully to them, but opened up my heart to God's diagnosis.
Here's the links that I have found to be extremely helpful to me. Hopefully if you find yourself in this terrible situation one day or know someone that is already there...please tell them there is hope. Let Go and Let God carrying you down the path that He is showing you. It might not be the path you would chose, but for the first time giving up control...never felt so GOOD!


Randi Jo :) said...

I am sitting here bawling...I am so SO so unbelievably proud of you. Do you know that? In a little sis sort of way of course.

You asked for God to make you were really ready to know Him weren't you? ...and here is your answer. God is teaching you, and He is blessing you...and you are learning about Him and about yourself. Sometimes He pulls us closer to Him through blessings -- and sometimes through struggles - but that's not our decision. This time, it's a struggle.....and He is building up you faith muscles. This is one of many answers He's going to give you as you seek Him out. He loves you and is so happy you have turned to Him. He loves that you are letting Him be in control....He always had it anyway. He loves that more than anything this will take the pressure off of YOU and you will understand freedom and the peace that only knowing Him can bring.

This I'm sure isn't exactly the way you wanted to be a better wife/mom.... this isn't how you thought it would happen --- but He has lead you to this point. You are growing closer to Him...I have seen you change. I have seen Him change you. You are getting more and more mature and He is building you up. He IS in control.... He knows exactly how many seconds he is going to give Matthew on this earth --- This was His plan forever..... all of these events come as NO surprise to Him, pretty incredible huh?

I love you all and I love that we are going to be with each other for eternity - (thankfully all my weaknesses will be vanished in eternity so you all can stand to be around me).....

and I truly can say I LOVE Matthew and think about him EVERY day. I look forward to meeting him some day.

after everybody is asleep I'm going to come back on here and read those links..... NOW I tell you --- it's good to read about this info but now it's time to go fill yourself up with some positive words (Bible) and read about all the miracles God performed! Believe in the power of prayer and healing!!

love u bunches

Elizabeth said...

In the Gospels, the Greek work which we translate into English as "to heal" literally means in Greek "to make whole". Now reading the story a different way, we find that Christ did not just heal, He made whole. The Great Physician and Wonderful Counselor really are the same person.

Praying for whole-making in your life and those you love.

carebear said...

Thanks girls! It means a lot to us to have support and prayers. I very much believe in the power of prayer. I even have requested my OB to put me on a prayer chain at her church. It's nice to have a doctor that believes in prayer too!

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